Author: Artemis Winterford

Werewolf And Vampire Wall Hanging Art

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Werewolf And Vampire Wall Hanging Art
I’m gonna hang these Werewolf And Vampire Wall Hanging Art pieces at opposite ends of the room and watch them stare each other down. That way they won’t be tempted to come to life and eat me. They’ll be too busy sizing each other up and growling and stuff. That way I can go about my business and have some cool decor, without any worries. Phew! Not that they’re real tough with no arms, but they could bite if you get close enough.

Maybe I’ll give them some mannequin arms and make them hug each other, cuz I’m really all about being a monster peacemaker.
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This Cat Butt Looks Like Voldemort

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This Cat Butt Looks Like Voldemort
Hmmm. I’m not seeing it. Oh there it is! Nevermind, that was just the mirror. This Cat Butt Looks Like Voldemort. From Harry Potter. I’ve seen cat butts that looked like Winston Churchill and I’ve seen cat butts that look like Harrison Ford, but I ain’t never seen no cat butt that looks like Voldemort. Until now.

Ohhhh. Now I see it. It also looks like he has a long tongue. Hairless cats are weird. Also, I’m pretty sure this is some kind of geek prophecy that heralds an end to nerds living in mom’s basement and the coming of an actual female.

Sweeeet! I better pack my stuff and shower real good!

via Neatorama

Zombie in a Bottle

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Zombie in a Bottle
Zombie in a Bottle. Sounds like an awesome drink. I’ll buy a whole case. Actually, this is a real zombie figure in a bottle. Carry your zombie friend in your pocket, use him as a necklace, or just set him on your desk and admire his trapped and tormented zombie soul. I’m thinking I can pop the top, give it a rub and make a wish. I would wish for food. Then when nothing happens, I would go to bed, only to wake up later as this zombie is feasting on my flesh like the small flesh-eater it is.

What’s up with that?

You wished for food. nom nom nom.

Yeah, so?

Well, the food is you. nom nom nom.

Back in your glass prison you psycho little-
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Giant Spider Statement Ring

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Giant Spider Statement Ring
Oh look. A Giant Spider Statement Ring. I think I can guess what the statement is: Get it the hell off me! Yep, that’s the statement alright. Seeing a spider ring this big really shows you what massive butts they have. That’s because they have to store all kinds of stuff in the badonkadonk. They have to store all of that spider silk, their poop, their pee, their kids… I’m pretty sure that is scientifically valid, cuz I read it once on the web. The web knows about spiders. Duh!

That’s pretty nasty to be carrying all that around in one sack. That’s like you having a huge triple-duty booty and carrying like 3 blankets, all your poop, all your pee and letting your nasty kids bounce around in all that, while you go about your bidness shopping at Walmart.

Spiders is nasty.
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Cthulhu Glow in the Dark Idol Keychains

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Cthulhu Glow in the Dark Idol Keychains
You know Cthulhu is your idol. Not sure if he’s your teen idol, pop idol or your American idol, but I know you love him. I do too. That’s why we should all carry our keys on these Cthulhu Glow in the Dark Idol Keychains. We can be a secret society guys! I’ll notice yours in the grocery store parking lot, then I’ll flash you mine. We can meet around back and do a secret handshake. Get all culty. You’ll say magic words, I’ll say magic words, then we’ll rip a hole in the fabric of space and time, so that Cthulhu can come through and destroy our world. It’ll be-

I guess I didn’t think that out. Okay, plan B. Let’s just get these cuz they’re cool. They even glow in the dark. Pretty sweet.
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