Author: Artemis Winterford

Pose Skeleton Man – The Ultimate Action Figure

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Pose Skeleton Man
No bones about it, Pose Skeleton Man is the ultimate in skeletal action figures. He’s the original Skeletor. The original Jack Skellington. The best thing about this action figure however, is the fact that you can buy a lot of accessories for him. Like the office set, furniture for him, musical instruments, a pet skeleton dog, even a toilet set. Sweeeet! This may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I love posing skeletons on toilets and role-playing them taking a dump.

Seriously, they have a ton of accessories.More than you can shake a tibia at. Best bony action figure ever.
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Evil Clown Pillow

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Evil Clown Pillow
Do you want a good night’s sleep or a good nightmare sleep? Guess which one you’re gonna get if you rest your head on this Evil Clown Pillow? If you guessed terrifying dreams that jar you awake every few minutes, complete with sleep paralysis and a lifetime of PTSD, you guessed correctly. It’s pretty terrifying.

I think I’ll pass on this one. I already have an evil clown pillow. It was that one night stand from last week that slept over and left all her makeup on my pillow in the morning. She looked great in the morning sun. The face she left behind on the pillow? Not so much. I had to wait for her to drift off again so I could stealthily look in her purse and check her driver’s license. I just wanted to make sure her name wasn’t Bozo, Bimbo, Bingo or Zippy.

*Shudders*

Etsy seller creatureog has all kinds of cool pillows, not just clowns. Check them out.

Good Ol’ Menstrual Cycle Poster

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Good Ol' Menstrual Cycle Poster
Check out this Good Ol’ Menstrual Cycle Poster. It shows the entire cycle and explains what’s going on. My poster would have been way different. It would start with a bunch of cramping and end with a woman chasing me with a knife, while clutching a box of bon-bons in the other hand and cradling a gallon of ice cream in the crook of her arm. Then when she caught me, she would slice me on the arm just to mark me, then tell me how much she loves me and how sorry she is. Then 28 days later we would repeat it all over again. Isn’t nature wonderful?

Thanks for the tip Calyn.

Coffin Shaped Footstool: For If Your Feet Are Dead Tired

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Coffin Shaped Footstool For If Your Feet Are Dead TiredMan, my feet are dead tired. Time to lay these puppies out, embalm ’em and put ’em to rest on this Coffin Shaped Footstool. I’m a little worried for their tortured soles though. Shhhhhhh! You just hush puppies. Rest now. Go to a better place. All of your old shoes will be there to greet you.
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Etched Copper Garden Spider Necklace

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Etched Copper Garden Spider NecklaceYou know why I don’t garden? Well, aside from the fact that everything I touch dies, did you know there are spiders outside? True story. And everyone knows that when a spider touches you, you feel all icky and weird. I don’t need any of that jazz. I wish they were all as cool as this Etched Copper Garden Spider Necklace. It’s awesome cuz it doesn’t move and is already dead.

A spider as a fashion accessory? Yeah! On the bottom of my shoe! Hahahaha! Am I right? *Reaches blindly for high five. Feels a hairy tarantula hand slap me.* Is there a giant spider behind me? Yeah, I’m just gonna run and scream now. Like a human police car. Running and screaming. That’s me. *Radio static* All cars. We have a 519 in progress. *Radio static.* I’m on the case! *Peels out and runs like hell.* A 519 is a giant spider behind you. I’m out!
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