*Snores loudly as lips reverberate.* Daddy. Daddy. Wake up. Huh? What? What the shizz! Get away from me you foul floating demon. No Daddy. It is I, the culmination of a million lonely nights. You made me. Every time you do the deed with yourself, a little bit of me formed in the ether. Last night, your ritual before bed brought me fully into this world.
Arrrrggghhhhhhh! *Runs screaming out of the house.*
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Whoa. Looks like Mickey found himself under an atomic bomb. This Zombie Mickey Mouse Skull looks like something the natives would shake at you upon entering Disneyland after the apocalypse. Which would fittingly be referred to as the crappiest place on Earth.
Mickey Mouse? More like Icky Mouse! Or moldy mouse. Here I come to save the dayyyyyy! Wait, wrong mouse. He even has fangs now. Maybe this is what happens when Disney puts all of it’s money into Star Wars.
Damn son. Star Wars has gone viral! Like full Ebola. He doesn’t collect bounties. He infects them. This Ebola Fett figure comes with Glow in the Dark action! Limited infection of only 25 pieces.
Ebola Fett
Ridin’ dirty in a Vette.
Laboratory Playa,
Infecting Slave Leia.
Forming a contagion
of lyrical Invasion.
Fell into a pit
made the mighty Sarlacc Spit.
Yeah! The star wars vehicles these guys ride is your immune system.
Breast Milk Flavored Toothpicks. For when you absolutely need the taste of mother’s milk, but are like 40 years old. I’m just assuming. The seller says it’s for a “baby shower”, but I ain’t buying it. I didn’t just fall off the nerd truck yesterday. I was pushed off by my twin brother who wanted a womb all to himself. One day I’ll find him and get even. *Shakes fist.*
Anyway, like I was saying, I’m no idiot. “Baby shower.” Whatevs. It doesn’t rain babies. At least, not until I get to the party. Know what I mean gals? Bow chicka wow wow…
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Ribbit! Hey, look. A giant Monster Toad Head. I should totally kiss it and turn it into a Prince. Just to end it’s imprisonment. *Smooches it’s slimy face.* Well, that didn’t work. He’s still a toad. *Looks in the mirror.* What the deuce?!?! I’m a Prince. And not some dude that’s next in line to run a kingdom. I’m Prince as in Raspberry Beret. The kind you buy from the second hand store. This is friggin’ awesome. *Adjusts my frilly shirt.*
I’m out guys. Tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999, which means I have to buy a flip-phone and get ready for Y2K.
Read more “Monster Toad Head”