Author: Artemis Winterford

Cthulhu Backpack

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cthulu backpack
Don’t hurt your back carrying around heavy books. Let Cthulhu do the heavy lifting with his many suckered tentacles. This Cthulhu Backpack has your back and would like your soul and sanity as well. Use it to carry your school books or your HP Lovecraft books. Or both.

What? You use a kindle? Well la-de-da. Not all of us can afford a fancy- Oh wait. Just checked the price. I can afford that. I just have a third grade reading level, so I choose not to have one. So there. Are you happy? Me too. That fancy book reading takes valuable time away from internet picture reading.

Awesome Fantasy Figurines For Your Mom’s Basement

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fantasy figurines
Try not to have a nerdgasm when looking at Etsy seller DemiurgusDreams assortment of cool fantasy figurines. You’ll definitely need to make some space in your mother’s basement if you’re going to collect them all. Hey, I ain’t judging. I may not live with my mom, but she lives with me. I choose to take the basement cuz I’m cool like that. Just like I choose to spend my weekends free from any members of the opposite sex. I’m better than you is what I’m saying. No, not really. I’m a sad sad man and I need to buy some kick-ass fantasy creatures to make it all better.

I’m gonna buy ’em all and make them fight on my shelf. Take that life! These miniature beasts are a soothing salve for my awkward nerdiness and permanent butt-acne.
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Freaky Gray Alien Art

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weird grey alien art
Etsy seller ponyclubgallery makes all kinds of painting involving alien grays. I’m not saying he’s in league with them or anything, but you know what they say. Paint what you know. This guy obviously knows alien grays and you know what that means. It means someone had missing time and woke up in a cornfield buttsore. But enough about me.

If displaying artwork featuring our alien/illuminati masters is your thing, head over to his shop and check them all out. He’s got aliens as pilgrims, aliens with dogs, aliens doing religious stuff… Heck the only thing missing is aliens playing poker. Good stuff. Weird, but good stuff.
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Glow In The Dark Playing Cards

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glow in the dark cards
My alone in the dark poker games just got more exciting thanks to these glow in the dark cards. Who needs friends anyway? The images on the face cards transform and come to life under a black light. Turn the lights out and get playing. The only problem is that you can’t see the chips so you end up betting everything you have on a pair of twos.

That and you can’t see the chips, so you shove poker chips in your mouth instead of potato chips. Needs more salt.

Freddy Krueger, Jason, Chucky And Michael Myers Paperweights

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horror movie paperweights
These Freddy Krueger, Jason, Chucky And Michael Myers Paperweights will hold your papers down like they were just another bad script for an unnecessary sequel. Having some horror movie heads on your desk will remind you that things could be worse. Instead of being stuck in the office, you could be one of their victims. Suddenly office work doesn’t sound so bad huh? Now get that report on my desk asap. I’ll be in my office looking up asap in the dictionary.

These heads probably connect to form some crazy Voltron super-horror entity. Don’t use that Hollywood. It’s documented. If you use it you now owe me.