Author: Artemis Winterford

McDonald’s Is Selling Secret Big Mac Sauce On Ebay

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big mac special sauce
So McDonald’s secret sauce is currently up for auction on eBay. I guess the obesity epidemic, as it is, isn’t obese enough for them. McDonald’s patrons only get exercise walking from the car to the counter before they get stuck in those booths and then kids start throwing nuggets at them for all eternity. Now they are bringing the secret whale sauce to the internets so you can order from your hospital bed.

It’s actually for charity. Not that this will stop Ronald’s soul from rotting in hell with Grimace and the rest of the gang, but it’s a start. Bidding is up to $23,100.00 AU for this bottle of diarrhea dressing.
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Human Anatomy Suitcases

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skeleton suitcase
Fans of human anatomy will love these cool yet icky looking suitcases from space24retro, showing off the human body and the fact that we are all just bags of meat and bone all walking around looking weird as hell under our skin. The human anatomy suitcase. Perfect for traveling…long trips to the doctor’s office or a visit to the coroner.

Hopefully they don’t provoke the TSA into giving you a firsthand lesson in human anatomy. No one likes the tickle the colon from the inside game.
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Shotgun Toilet Plunger

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shotgun toilet plunger
Do you have a clogged up colon? Has this led to the plumbing in your home also having a clogged colon? First, try more fiber, then get this Shotgun Toilet Plunger. It will make short work of clogged toilets.

Plunging the clogged feces from your toilet has never been more fun. Plunge it down and pull the trigger like you’re a redneck hunting gophers. That’s how a real man clears some pipes.

BOOOOOOOOM. Toilet shatters. Poop fountain sprays everywhere. Okay, who replaced my plunger with a real shotgun? Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. But this is the third time and the landlord is getting pissed guys. Come on!

1976 Photo Of David Bowie & Iggy Pop Getting Arrested In Pot Bust

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david bowie
Ziggy played guitar. He’s also been known to toke on that sweet ganja. And he got busted by the fuzz in 1979. Here is photographic proof. This vintage photograph was taken at the exact moment when undercover cops in Rochester, NY slapped the cuffs on David Bowie and Iggy Pop. Apparently it was “someone else” who was smoking pot in Bowie’s hotel room in 1976. Yeah sure. Ground control to Major Tom, I ain’t buying it.

The worst part of the whole thing had to be Iggy Pop on the way to the police station singing The Passenger over and over again while Bowie was biting and kicking him to get him to shut up.

They had to face the cha cha cha charges!
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Awesome Primitive Predator Costume

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predator costume
Damn son! That is one fine Predator costume. Since I don’t have $3,362.32 can I just borrow it for a week and run around my neighborhood making clicking noises and shaking bones at everyone. Nah. Forget it. Being a predator is too much work.

You gotta take care of those dreadlocks and if you go into a salon to get your dreads oiled and your Predator nails painted, humans are gonna freak. Plus cops would be all over you, just because you ripped some dude’s spine out of his back. Then there’s that Chris Hansen guy. Always trying to catch a Predator.

Hey, I’m a female Predator. Come over to my house. We’ll watch the Alien movies, I’ll show you my trophy collection and kills. Cool, I’ll be right over.

Then when you arrive you find out it was really an underage Xenomorph on the phone and you get busted just because you brought a pizza and condoms.
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