Snow globes are way too happy and nice. You shake them and you make it snow over a cheery winter scene. Maybe you want to cause some destruction instead. The Apocalypse Snow Globe will let you do just that. Watch as the grey and black pieces of debris rain down on this wasteland of a city.
It’s the perfect gift from a Grinch this Christmas.
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It’s not just kids who are scared of the dark. Adults don’t like it either. Sure, we act all brave, but when you get up in the middle of the night for a pee, we all run as fast as we can back into bed, careful not to let the wife see you, because if she does you know she’s gonna call you a pansy again. So what? You screamed when you saw a spider. Okay, so you also fainted that one time when the mouse came out of the wall, but only because it was a smart mouse and brought it’s own chlorophyll to knock you out. Then when you explain she calls you stupid and asks if you meant chloroform? *Deep breath*
The point is, darkness is scary. So use this The Walking Dead Nightlight. Sure Zombies are scary too but darkness? Screw darkness.
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Just like Creepbay, Edgar Allen Poe is all about strange stuff. He’s been giving people nightmares for ages and he isn’t even a dentist or an employee of the IRS. Funny story: People used to think I was in the Edgar Allen Poe fan club. For awhile there I couldn’t go anywhere without somebody yelling, “Poser!” or “Look it’s that poser again! Piss off!” I’m flattered, really I am, but I have never been a member of the fan club guys.
Anyhow, this pop-up book called The Illustrated Edgar Allan Poe contains four unabridged tales from the master of the macabre, complete with scary pop-ups that will have you hiding behind the couch as your mom reads it to you. Not that that happened to me. I’m just sayin’. Dude writes some scary stuff.
Wow. Never noticed all the dust bunnies back here. Score! Found a floor gummi bear or as I like to call it, a Yeti bear. Gummis always wear jackets in cold places.
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No wonder America leads humanity in muffin tops and back-boobs. Still, this keyboard with a drumstick on it is finger lickin’ and finger clickin’ good. You would be hard pressed to find any other kinds of keyboards in the head offices of KFC.
It’s a chicken strip. That you can type on. And you won’t even notice your greasy fingerprints and all of the chicken skin you dropped between the keys. Needs a miniature bucket of chicken mouse to accompany it though. Or just a greasy breast that leaves a trail of slime.
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I’m gonna get me this UFO and Alien Head jacket so that the next time E.T. lands, I get to be ambassador for the entire human race. They won’t even question it. The jacket says that I am that guy! Once we have some negotiations and I get set up with my own small island, I will be the one to decide who gets probed and who doesn’t!
Everybody who picked on me in high school better look the f**k out! Those guys that made fun of me at the comic shop last week too. 1)That issue of My Little Pony IS canon and 2)It’s not just for girls and 3)You have missing time and are butt-sore.
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