Author: Artemis Winterford

Zombie Gun Holsters For Conceal And Carry Carnage

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zombie gun holster
Zombies. You gotta shoot the head. Anything else is just a waste of time. If you plan on living in the Zombie apocalypse, you have to have a gun. That means you have to have a cool holster too, so you can twirl your gun around and make pew pew pew noises, then re-holster it and look cool. *BANG* Hops around on one foot checking out the smoking hole in my other foot. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! zombies are in the trees! Run!

I may be on crutches for the next week or 3, but at least I have some wild Zombie holsters from Etsy seller RinehartLeather. They have all kinds of cool hand tooled leather holsters and stuff.
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Knicker Sticker Disposable Adhesive Underwear: No More Whale Tail

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Knicker Stickers
These Knicker Stickers are disposable adhesive underwear. Basically we’re talking a big old butt band-aid that covers your crack like a sheet of bondo, making your backside look flat as a barbie doll. On the plus side, it eliminates whale tail, so you aren’t “free willy-ing it” in inappropriate situations.

Don’t you kind of have the urge to wear one and just poop in it? Then crumble it up in a ball and toss it into the nearest trash bin? No? I guess that’s just me. Would be convenient. Like a poop net. He squeezes. He shoots! Nothin’ but net baby! The proof is that my backboards aren’t all messy. That’s why I’m the first draft pick. I hope the Cleveland Steamers get me.
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Star Wars Dead Greedo Action Figures

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Greedo
Etsy seller DeadGreedy has an obsession with Greedo from Star Wars. He makes all kinds of art with “dead Greedo” as the subject matter. And for the record, Han shot first, but only because Greedo’s fingers are all long and freaky.

The crucified Greedo is my favorite. He dies for George Lucas’ prequel sins.
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Skeleton Dog On Leash

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skeleton dog on a leash
This Skeleton Dog On a Leash is man’s best bony friend. Plus, he’s already been dug up from a pet cemetery and cleaned up, so you don’t have to dig all night in the moonlight.

He won’t shed, he won’t poop and he won’t bark. It’s the perfect dog for runway supermodels, since dogs always look like their owners. In this case all bones and thigh gaps everywhere.
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Hoyle Slice 2 Pack Skinny Playing Cards

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skinny playing cards
WTH? Poker just got all anorexic with these skinny playing cards. These are the playing cards that you get when your wife is leaving you and taking half of your stuff. Sure, take the playing cards! You’re only getting half!

While this isn’t as strange as most of the stuff we feature, these skinny cards are pretty weird. How am I supposed to hold these and look cool? I guess they are good for kids with tiny hands. Mommy, I got a full house AND a poopy diaper.