Author: Artemis Winterford

Shriek Chic: Leather Monster Belt Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

leather monster bagIf you want a monster on your hip, you don’t have to give birth and tote a crying baby around, who is smacking and kicking at your ribs. Just buy this leather monster belt bag for $150. on Etsy. It is grievously gross and horrendously horrifying. Just a bunch of bloodshot eyes and a foaming slobbering mouth full of fangs.

Monsters get hungry, so keep all your stuff in there and keep it well fed, so that it doesn’t turn on you.

Click through for close ups of those eyes and that horribly detailed slobbering mouth. Or I could just show you a pic of me with a hangover. Really no difference.
Read more “Shriek Chic: Leather Monster Belt Bag”

Bigfoot Vs. Alligator Painting

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bigfoot paintingDamn. Bigfoot is in trouble. He’s taking on an Alligator and getting his leg bitten off. Big mistake. Everyone knows that Alligators love Bigfoot meat. Why do you think you can’t find Bigfoot? Because they are in the stomachs of Alligators. That’s why.

It’s the same reason you can’t find Doritos in my town. Cause I already got em. Better luck next time son. Many a man has lost his hand to my snapping jaws as he reached for a bag of Cool Ranch. They had that same look on their face as Bigfoot has here. Nacho day fool!

See what I did there? Doritos make everything awesome and keep bloggers fed for like weeks. Where’s my insulin? Whatevs. Probably in the bottom of this bag. I’ll let you know.

Superhero Poop In A Jar

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

superhero poopIt’s about time that your Superhero worship included collecting poo. It shouldn’t be surprising that you can find Superhero poop on Etsy. You can choose from Batman, Spider-Man or Hulk poop. That Hulk poop has a fist on it, which must have been hard for the big green guy to push out.

Check out the other’s below.
Read more “Superhero Poop In A Jar”

Just Wrong: Princess Die, Princess Of Wails Plush

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Princess Di plush dollLook, it’s the Princess of Wales. I mean wails. Princess Di. I mean die. Yeah, this doll is really in poor taste. Just plain nasty. Just like the car that she was in on that fateful night, I’m guessing that sales of these dolls crashed and burned really quickly.

Comes complete with a corpse toe tag. Click through for more images.
Read more “Just Wrong: Princess Die, Princess Of Wails Plush”

Michael Myers Beer Cozy

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Michael Myers Beer CozyIt’s Michael Myers from Halloween. As a beer cozy. Keep your drink cold with a crazed and crocheted slasher. Sadly, drinking your beer with this cozy will not allow you to drink yourself dead and then just rise up like Michael Myers does after getting killed. Only $45. from Etsy.