You may think you’re a holy-roller, but if you don’t have this 10kt gold Jesus pendant, you ain’t nothing but a holy-roller skater, watching a Cadillac pass you by. The Cadillac being the dude wearing this blinged out face of Earth’s lord and savior.
Flash Gordon? James T. Kirk? Doctor Who? No you silly heathens. Earth’s other lord and savior. The original action hero. The almighty Jesus. Here he is all blingy-blingy, looking straight up pimp for $5,950.00 on Ebay. Because everyone knows that Jesus would prefer you to wear some gaudy shiny trinket, instead of, you know, taking that money and feeding the hungry or something. Man, that is some tacky looking Jesus jewelry.
It’s all about education these days. Unlike when I was a kid, when they just sat you in front of the Atari and handed you a juice box. You have to educate about the whole pushing a baby out of your who-who thing. And to do that you need a crocheted model uterus with placenta and umbilical cord along with a baby. Etsy seller 
Yeah, this will happen when you eat one too many space frogs after partying all night in your palace and betting on Rancor fights. Star Wars fans who enjoy seeing the fattest thing in the Star Wars universe 
Nothing is worse than moldy bread. It means no toast for you today. You can either throw it out or just let it grow into nice thick green slices and take notes like a scientist. Then you can throw it out for the birds to eat and be a scientist all over again when those birds trip balls for a few hours. Good times. My lawn was like a living flapping nightmare that day.
This