Author: Artemis Winterford

Vampire Vs. The Moon Painting

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vampire vs moonIt’s the titan of Transylvania versus the mighty moon. Fight! This painting depicts the ultimate showdown between the mythical vampire and our very own orbiting satellite. Just look at that vampire staring out his window and raging at the moon.

*Heavy Transylvania accent* “I curse you moon. You are made of cheese and are only good for the jumping of cows to leap over. Come at me bro. You are pock-marked like the face of a zitted teen.”

“Shut your fanged mouth Vlad, before I go all FULL on your ass and send some Werewolves to pay you a visit. You just trippin’. That’s why they call you Vlad the Inhaler. Nice pajama cape BTW.”

“How dare you? Shut your moon mouth. Why must I spend all my nights with you? My fist I shake at you, glowing demon. Leave me be to prowl the night!”

“Whatevs. Freak. Whatever you do, I’m here watching. Haha. I own the night!”

“No. I own the night! …But I will now close the curtains and own the night in this way.”*sighs*

Vegetable Snuggling: Have You Hugged A Carrot Pillow Today?

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carrot body pillowSeems wrong, but some people really get off on their veggies, to the point of taking them into their bed and- *Hands on face Home Alone style* -sleeping with them. Relax Vegans, Vegetarians and Vulva-sharians, I’m just talkin’ bout snuggling the carrot, not waxing it. This giant carrot body pillow is crazy.

Now you can get all up in that carrots grill and just snuggle the heck out of it, maybe even grind it a little. I ain’t judging. It’s all about comfort and whatever happens between you and the carrot is your business. It’s just $85 from Etsy. It’s 4 feet long, which suddenly makes me feel inadequate. Bigger than my carrot and bound to get more snuggles. What? I’m talkin’ bout my own carrot pillow.

More shots of the crazy carrot below as the seller takes it about town and points it at people and stuff.
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Mummified Baby Possum With Four Arms

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possumThe latest in horror action figures is this mummified baby possum with not two, but four arms. For $349. he has zero points of articulation, but is very imposing in an action stance. Display this guy with your superhero figures. I would suggest you pit him against Batman, so that the Caped Crusader is all like, “Damn, WTF! Gotham just got too freaky for me bro. Alfred, fuel the yacht and get some babes on board. We are leaving town. Let that pansy ward of mine protect the city for awhile. Okay, what the hell is Glee and why is he watching it?”

More shots below.
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Antique Photo Of Rare Japanese Frog Baby

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frog babyHoly Frog F**k! Some strange stuff goes down on this planet. This $400. 1900-1910 medical documentation cabinet photograph shows an anencephalic baby, which is basically a baby born without a brain. So, why is a blogger without a brain sharing this with you? Because education is important fool. Plus, I’m really tripped out by how much this baby looks like an X-Man mutant. Look out Professor X, it’s about to flick it’s tongue. Time for a psychic attack. Too late, I licked it’s skin and am tripping balls. Call in the Wolverine!

In all serious, at one time, babies born with this defect were called “frog babies” and placed into jars as sideshow attractions. It’s weird as hell.

Pair Of Real Raccoon Faces

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raccoon facesWant a pair of actual Raccoon faces? Seriously, these are skinned straight from their cute little bodies and thrown on Etsy for your perusal. Only $4.95. That’s a great deal if you are into freaky animal face stuff.

Put them on your golf clubs as covers, have a creepy puppet show with them. The possibilities are really endless. Get super freaky and sew them into your own face as you wield an axe and chase others through a forest. I don’t judge. I’m just here to show you the freaky-deaky.