I Will Have To Calvin De-Klein: Denim Jeans Purse

denim jeans purseYou are going to love this new purse from the new fall “Crotch Collection”. It’s chic, stylish, and may even come with the faint scent of man or lady parts. Because everyone knows that Ebay sellers do not wash things for crap before they craft the item and ship it out. Ebay sellers are the poo throwing, butt scratching monkeys of online shopping, while Etsy sellers are the evolved crafters who go to tea parties and point at Ebay and laugh. That’s just a fact.

Anyway, this purse used to be a vehicle for someone’s crotch. Now it is a purse. These were made from jeans that are over 30 years old. The seller says so. That’s a lot of time for a crotch to be married to some pants. That stink ain’t never coming out.

My wife has one of these and she loves it. Some of her reviews include: “Why does my lipstick smell like ass?” or “I’m sick of my money smelling like sweaty man-sack.” Or, my personal favorite, “Sure am enjoying my vag-scented Tic-Tacs.”

The Walking (Down The Aisle) Dead: Zombie Assassin Cake Toppers

zombie cake topperEtsy seller ZombieHolocaust will make you some cool Zombie cake toppers for your Zombie themed wedding or other occasion.

This cake topper shown here has the bride and groom defending their special day from the undead who are attacking. The seller calls this one a medium gore level of cake topper, with blood, limb loss and some guts. Just the way we like it. I’ll have mine medium gore please.

Real Life Cast Of Vincent Price

vincent priceWhat do you want for your birthday? Well, what I really want is Vincent Price’s face on my wall? Can you make that happen? Etsy seller TheFXBunker can.

Some people hang mounted animal heads on their wall, especially if they shot them dead and want to display it as a trophy. Well, now you can pretend that you have successfully hunted down horror movie legend Vincent Price. You can choose both the young or old Vincent Price for $200. The young one means that you had a hell of a time chasing him through the forest and he almost got away. The old one says that you just bonked him on the head and threw him in your trunk. It was no sweat and you are a lazy hunter.

See both versions after the break.
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Behold The Creepicorn

creepicornThis ham-fisted, smurf colored cherub of doom either tripped and got an ice cream cone stuck in his head or is part unicorn. If those huge hands with their well manicured nails get a hold of you, it’s game over man.

Frame this fine art print up and creep up your living space for $20-$50. I wouldn’t put it by the bed, unless you like laying awake at night, shivering in fear.

Vintage Remote Control Bar Cart with Scantily Clad Bimbo

remote controlled bar cartForget remote controlled cars, robots and Transformers. I have a new favorite toy. This Vintage Remote Control Bar Cart with Scantily Clad Bimbo.

This sexy toy is 16″ tall. I could load that bar cart with airplane booze bottles and have this chick wheel them over to me all day long. Best toy ever! Too bad I don’t have $8,500.00 for the Buy It Now. She is totally worth it. I guess my weekly Hooters visits will continue. Restraining order be damned.

Click through to see more. She certainly likes showing off her plastic boobs. Sexy.
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