Author: Artemis Winterford

Fetus Earrings Won’t Give You The Power Of Ultrasound

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Fetus EarringsLook at this. The miracle of life on each ear. What was that? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you since all sound waves are deflected off of my twin fetuses dangling from my ears as if swaying on their own umbilical cords.

Weeeee. Mommy is taking you for a wild ride today. First it’s off to Baskin and Robbins, because I deserve it and I have a spare cubbyhole where my butt meets my thigh, that needs to be filled with human-consumptive fat-wax. Then it’s off to the gym to work off yesterdays scandalous B and R rendezvous with raspberry. After that, it’s two hours of rom com on Netflix and then we’re off to the bar. If I play my cards right, I might just have another baby on board. For reals this time.

Creepy/Cool: Buy A Page Of The Necronomicon

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necronomiconThe Necronomicon is a pretty damn expensive book, full of dark stuff and the rantings of mad men. Sounds like a website you know and love right? You have to buy it one page at a time. And you can do just that thanks to Ebay seller zarono, who sells fragments from the book to use as props and for your nerd LARP-play or whatever.

The page above is inspired by Robert E. Howard’s tale of King Conan, “The Phoenix on the Sword”. They have all kinds of fragments for sale including Lovecraft inspired fragments and others. Most are $10-$20 each. Buy a whole bunch and make the coolest Necronomicon ever.

Click through for more cool images.
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Haunted Clown Doll Lays The Smack Down And Leaves A Burning Hand Print

Artemis Winterford5 Comments

haunted slap markThis little clown seen below looks harmless. Weird, but harmless. The story goes that a nice mother in law bought this doll two months ago for the seller’s 9 month old son Isaac. He was purchased from an antique center in Springfield, Ohio. They named him “Louie”.

Soon after, there were issues with items in the nursery being moved: Diapers hidden under the crib, clothing being removed from the dresser and thrown on the floor and they even woke up one night to the sound of Isaac babbling loudly. They rushed into his nursery and every single stuffed animal he had in the toy box was sitting upright with him in bed.
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Mutant Dinosaur Poops Out Mickey Mouse

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dinosaur pooping mickey mouseWTF? Just what you want to get your kid. A plush mutant dinosaur all cobbled together from various animals. Oh and did I mention that it is pooping Mickey Mouse from it’s blowhole? Hey, it also has cave drawings on it’s skin. Otherwise known as a Jurassic Tattoo.

I know how this guy feels. Reminds me of the time I gorged myself at Disney World. After a half hour of sitting on the porcelain throne, I did a Mickey myself. A huge Mickey. Had some peanut ears and everything. Then I overdid it again that night and did a Minnie, followed by a Donald. Then a Huey, Duey and Louie. I could have held it in, but I ain’t no Scrooge McDuck.

See more of this monstrosity below.
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Garbage Pail Kids Elaine Vein Bust

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Garbage Pail KidsGarbage Pail Kids are nasty. You leave any kid in the garbage for long enough, he/she is bound to have some deformities and gross behavior. Check out this bust of Elaine Vein for $207.49. That chick is crazy nasty, popping veins all over her head. Looks like the Fukushima boy’s choir.

Click through for a bonus poem and another shot of these freaks.
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