Hot Dog Bun Doggie Bed: Your Wiener Dog Needs More Mustard

hot dog bun bedWhen you have a hot dog, you need a cool bun. No, that’s not right. If you have a cool dog, you need a hot dog…bun. No, wait. I can do this. I have been trained in the blogging arts.

*Reaches zen place* If you have a Wiener dog, you need a hot dog bun bed!

Ha! I knew I could do it, despite the fact that I have only had 3 fingers of whiskey today and one middle finger of vengeance when I sideswiped that little fat guy in a cart in the Walmart parking lot. Real cars have the right of way pal! Anyway, I never got a good look at the guy’s face since my rear view mirror smacked into it.

But I digress. You came here to see fun and weird caca that you can buy. Well, behold the Hot Dog Bun Doggie Bed. All of the condiments are on it already. You just need to supply the Wiener dog. In fact, if you click through, you can see an actual Wiener dog in the bun. Aren’t you lucky? Yes you are! Who’s the lucky little Creepbay reader? You so cute!
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Edible Eyes

eyeball food stickers
I won’t eat anything with eyes on it. Wait! What? You put some edible eyes on some doughnuts? Then it shall see it’s death as my wanting mouth descends upon it’s soft and jelly-filled body. It will also see the terror that is the slide down my throat and the hard landing in my stomach, where it will be compacted by the crunchy orange bones of half-digested Cheetos soaking in a river of Mountain Dew. There it will slowly dissolve until only the eyes remain to greet my next victim.

Edible eyes. I’d eat that. Say, my poops not gonna look like a brown trout now, is it? Between the corn and now the eyes, I’ll almost have a not-so Frosty the steamy brown snowman. Just needs a corn-cob pipe. I’ll be the jolly happy soul though. Feels good to unload, even if it does look back from the bowl.
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Dr. Dreidel: N.W. Oy Vey

dr dreidel
Bring home Dr. Dreidel and add some hip hop to your Hanukkah. This dreidel is laser etched with images of Dr. Dre on all 4 sides. Spin it up. $5 says it lands on young Dre with gun. Damn! This is a profitable Hanukkah! Sadly, the Dr. Dreidel is just a concept, but maybe one day we can buy one.
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LEGO Strip Club

lego strip club
LEGO sets have changed since I was a kid. This custom LEGO strip club has it all for $275. A DJ, a greasy looking Chip N’ Dale looking Male stripper in bow tie and two female strippers with wads of cash everywhere.

What’s next? A LEGO crackhouse? I could never play with this set. I would be too busy throwing tiny plastic money as I twirled that stripper around the pole, then cleaning it up and taking it in the back room to count it up. I would also be spraying windex constantly and wiping everything down. Hey, if I built it, I’m technically the proprietor. Gotta take care of business. You girls get back to work or you’ll be working the Duplo club down the street!
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Ugly Christmas Sweater Cookies

ugly christmas sweater cookiesThese ugly Christmas sweater cookies seem to be sold out right now, but if you ask the seller they might make you some. I don’t think they’re ugly. They look delicious. I think I have some of those exact ones.

Hopefully they don’t taste like my sweater. Booze and regret mixed with a bunch of meh and a touch of bah humbug. Nah, I’m just kidding. I’m just bummed I can’t eat all of these sugary sweaters. Also bummed that when I add water to my current sweater and wring her out, no more booze. I guess it’s back to the store for me.