Category: Just Plain Weird

Huge Stuffed Crab

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Huge Stuffed Crab
Huge Stuffed Crab! Huge Stuffed Crab! What’s it stuffed with? I don’t know. Probably your hopes and dreams and kitten wishes, all riding on the fragrant wind of unicorn farts. This stuffed crab is huge! XXL at least.

I haven’t seen crabs this big since the STD clinic near Fukushima got hit with gamma radiation. Don’t make these crabs angry. You wouldn’t like them when they’re angry. They get all crabby. Which is pretty much expected from a crab actually. They are grabby and crabby. They’ll pinch you and make you all scabby.
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Leather Coffin Journal

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Leather Coffin Journal
Live it up with this Leather Coffin Journal. Well, maybe not live it up. Maybe dwell on our impending deaths as we shuffle off this immortal coil. Wow, that even depressed me. Also impressed me cuz it sounded cool. Probably sounded cool as hell to everyone who didn’t see me choke on that lemon starburst and throw myself against the chair to give my self the old Heimlich maneuver.

Anywho, how do you put a bunch of dead bodies in one coffin? This journal is how. It is perfect for drawing a corpse on every page. That way you have a flip book of dead bodies all sharing one coffin. Maybe make it so it decomposes by the end.

Therefore perfect for undertakers and such. If anyone else does it it’s just weird. Yeah, I know it was my idea. Everyone knows I’m weird.
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Baby Head Candles: Burn Baby Burn!

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Baby Head Candles Burn Baby Burn!
Burn baby burn! Dissscccooo infernoooooo! Burn the mother down! Who says to themselves, “You know I need some candle light. Just to set the mood and chill. You know what would be good? If I could burn a candle that looked like an innocent and gentle baby’s head.”

I have no idea who says that, but these Baby Head Candles are scented too. Hopefully with scents other than “I just pooped my pants” and “I’ve been sitting in pee for an hour”. I’d use these. A baby with fire coming out of it’s head? Sign me up. That’s one hardcore and badass baby. I think it just needs a full wax body and a guitar!

Zombie Gothic Wall Sculpture

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Zombie Gothic Wall Sculpture
Awwww! Look at these two. they look like such a cute couple. He clearly has her heart. Or someone’s heart on his pitchfork. With this Zombie Gothic Wall Sculpture, you get all of the classic art that is American Gothic, with a zombie spin.

This wall plaque will look great on your wall, whether you have other zombie decor or not. I would hate to meet this couple in a dark hallway. So I’m just gonna always keep that hallway lit. Just in case.

Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float

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Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float
This Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float reminds me of when I used to live in that place with the huge cockroaches and the backyard pool. I would turn the lights out, let them creep out in the dark and stomp all over these nasty buggers, then go to bed. In the morning I’d go out back to see the mice using their dead bodies for surf boards in the pool.

Okay fine. That place was this place. In the winter it’s the same deal, except they use the dead insect bodies as sleighs. *Doing my best Scarface voice* “F**king Cock-a-roach!”

Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float

Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float

Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float