Tag: art

Steampunk Octopus Light Switch Covers

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Steampunk Octopus Light Switch Covers
Like I was saying, I don’t give an octopus’ tentacle what you think- Huh? Oh those are cool. Steampunk Octopus Light Switch Covers. You gots some nice tentacles baby. And suckers that go on foreva! I know, because every time I flick your switch, I cop a feel.

Hey, it’s a sexy light switch cover. Don’t judge. But if you do, I hope you’ll let me run with an insanity defense, because these sexy steampunk switch covers from Etsy seller WainmanStudios are driving me crazy.
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Cyclops Baby Doll: A One-Eyed, One-Horned Crying Purple Gerber Eater

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cyclops baby doll
Now here’s a face that only a mother could love. A Cyclops Baby Doll. He’s got one eye and a number two in the diaper. Maybe it’s a she. I have no idea. I just know that it used that horn to cut it’s way out of it’s mom’s belly.

Miss monster mother, you have a brand new baby- Oh, well, that’s unfortunate. *Screams fill the operating room. Doctor checks his watch.* Not two minutes old yet and it’s already poked out the eyes of two nurses. Now it doesn’t feel so alone.
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Sloth in a Matchbox

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etsy sloth in a matchbox
Hey a Sloth in a Matchbox. He looks super comfy in there too. Makes me think of my dear departed grandmother. She used to always say, “Get up you lazy idiot. You’re like a sloth in a matchbox!” Yeah, too bad I’m not a sloth in a matchbox wearing headphones you old- Then the frying pan would hit me in the head.

That’s horrible. You said departed. When did your grandmother die?

Die? Look at this knot on my skull. Does that look like she left this Earth? She got this sloth out of the matchbox and departed for the grocery store. That crazy old bat. Is it odd that I like to sleep on matchstick shavings? Now if you’ll excuse me this sloth is going back to bed. Extinguish all lit cigarettes please.

Monster Coffin Framed Prints

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etsy monster coffin
These monster art prints from Etsy seller bwanadevilart will decorate your walls in monsters, all in coffin shaped frames. All of your favorites are available like the Wolfman, Frankenstein, Vampires and more. I already have a picture of Frankenstein and his bride. It’s called a wedding photo. It’s super cute. She’s all hissing at me and I just look like Herman Munster, only scared as hell. It was a fun day. The day before I mean. The last day of freedom is always the sweetest. I remember it well. I did the mash. The monster mash! It really was a graveyard smash. Now the wife spends all my cash.

How do I always get sidetracked? ADD? I don’t think so, but how would I know? I would forget, wouldn’t I? Anyway, I better get back to whatever it was I was doing before. Oh yeah. No, that wasn’t it.
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Dragon Door Knocker

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dragon door knocker
This Dragon Door Knocker is going to look awesome on my front door. Especially after I took out that second mortgage to give the place that whole Game of Thrones makeover. So what if it looks more like a beat up Jenga pile. I’m no contractor. Knock knock knock! Who is it? It’s dragon. Dragon who? Dragon my butt, cuz I’m so tired from blogging all day.

You can’t come in, the king’s not here.

I am the king!

Prove it! Prove your worth by removing a giant stone block from the castle of Jenga and I’ll let you in.

We went through this last week and it’s not funny. I lost the entire bedroom that day. And you’re just some dude named Merlin who I’m renting a room to and who farts way to much, then tries to cover it up with magic. Fine whatever, but I’m taking a piece from your side of the castle this time.
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