Ghostbusters Terror Dogs

Ghostbusters Terror DogsI’m going bring this up with the Tenant’s Association. You’re not supposed to have pets in the building.

For $84. you can get two awesome and terrifying Terror Dogs. No, no, not those terror dogs from the ballpark that give you indigestion and little pebble poops later as you groan. You remember terror dogs right? From the first Ghostbusters movie. These guys are scary as Zuul!

I remember when that movie came out. I made my grandmother watch it. Then afterwards I would make ghost noises and ask her, “Who ya gonna call?”

“Ghostbusters!”

That’s when I had the orderlies from the rest home come in. “These Ghostbusters are removing you for your own safety grandma. We’ll bring you back when this place is ghost free.”

Hey, it was better than telling her the hard truth. She was happy for the last years of her life, knowing she was ghost free. So it was all good.

*Ghost noises that sound suspiciously like grandma* What the hell was that? *Whispering in my ear* “Who ya gonna call boy?”

AHHHHHKKKKKKKKKKK. I’M SORRY GRANDMA! PLEASE DON”T HAUNT ME!
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Duct Tape Teddy Bear: Build-A-Bear…On A Budget

duct tape teddy bearAwww. It’s a duct tape teddy bear. I’m gonna call him the Gimp and use him as a stress reliever. What’s that? This late fee is going to cost me like $40 bucks extra??? BRING OUT THE GIMP! AND GET MY BAT! Another f***ing telemarketer called? THE GIMP! AT ONCE! I really don’t understand these taxes. You mean the more I make, the more I owe? GIMP! TO ME! NOW!

I hope he’s built solid cause I have a lot of issues. My therapist will be pleased that I’m not taking it out on his furniture every time he sighs and calls a bathroom break.

“Why are you so out of breath and why is my couch all torn apart and full of holes?”

“The same reason your bathroom smells like Mary Jane. Stress relief. You needed a break from me and I needed to justify paying $400 a session when I could just-”

“Let’s talk about your mother. I-”

“YOU ARE LOOKING A LOT LIKE THE GIMP DOCTOR! TIME FOR YOUR SESSION!”
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Nintendo Game Boy: Darth Vader, TMNT And Back To The Future Editions

game boy toyEtsy seller Theworldisagameboy takes their user name seriously, turning Nintendo Game Boys into all kinds of cool toys. These are fully functional Game Boys that have been pumped up on steroids, like this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle that looks like he will bite your head off and spit down your neck if you beat his Tetris high score. Come at me bro! I will totally crush your high score as you are beating at my knuckles with your little turtle fists. This guy is $263.57.

Click through to see more images, including a Darth Vader Game Boy and a Back To The Future Game Boy. Great Scott!
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Heart Lock and Key Ornament

Heart Lock and Key OrnamentGive someone special your heart, without all the blood and a gaping chest wound. This Heart Lock and Key Ornament should do the trick. You get both the heart and a key. But it doesn’t open. Just like my cold heart. Huh? Sure, I’ve been hurt, but that’s not why my heart is closed off. Bacon. That’s why.

But that’s okay, because it is my one true love.
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The Real Burning Man: Incredible Melting Man Candles…Mandles

burning man candlesIncredible Melting Mandles. Man + Candles = Mandles. These candles are like little zombies that you can watch melt to the ground in three hours. Light him up, watch his last hours on this Earth. Only $15. from Etsy seller Stexe.

Click through for more pictures and an awesome rock solid video demo of these mandles. You’ll want to get yourself a little trash bin to go with these guys.
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