You gotta admire any woman who can pull off a corset of baby hands, all reaching out like the souls of a hundred little money-grubbers, eager to enter this world and make adults broke. You gotta hand it to the Corset Of Exploding Doll Hands, it’s an outfit that would actually keep me away from boobies. And I trigger booby traps regularly just to get a look-see.
It never pans out, but it has booby in the name. They have to contain boobies sooner or later. Then I can win the booby prize, which is probably a pretty buxom and bouncy trophy. Read more “Corset Of Exploding Doll Hands”
Alien encounters can be awkward and not just because they stick stuff in ya without buying you dinner first. Because you can’t understand a damn word they’re saying. This E.T. Extraterrestrial Communication Knowledge Transfer Device will help. So the next time they come to abduct you in the night, you’ll be able to understand their language.
That’s when you find out that they think humans are just a game of operation. The Goofy Game for Goofy Doctors. I know when I bought one of these, I heard “Alien Gary” bitching to “Alien Mike” about how his wife doesn’t understand him because his quasar zoomboffulator was overpriced and out of warranty and it makes a real miff-zi-stache of his home life. “Alien Mike” owns a Zeff farm full of grazing Zergnars and recently got caught “nerfing the herd”, which is why he got stuck on this sh***y work detail.
I was all like, “Guys, I know I’m gonna forget about all of this later, but please, concentrate on the task at hand! Damn that hurts. Pay attention. Am I impregnated yet or what? Gary, you gotta man up and face the wife! Mike… Mike, you’re just sick. Seriously. Get away from me. Gary, let’s hurry this up. I have an early morning tomorrow.
Ha! This I Just Did 9 Months On The Inside Onesie makes your baby look like a prison inmate. 9 months in your mom? Pffft! I did 10 in your mom and SHE walked away with time served! Years? No, inches! Damn son, burn! Drops the mic! Walks away!
This onesie says your kid is never too young for the thug life. Those crazy people who have like 10 kids should get these for the whole gang, since they’ll likely grow up to be hooligans anyway. Hooligans. Heh. That’s an old timey word. You caught me. I’m really HG Wells and my time machine got stuck here. Sorry about any typos. I can’t see bully without my monocle.
I don’t know about you, but when I’m playing a game of poker, I like to see the bony innards of various critters. Like a Komodo Dragon, maybe a Roadrunner. This set of Skeleton Playing Cards has many more sets of bones, all on 52 poker-sized cards. These cards were created by the American museum of Osteology. I have no idea what that means, other than the fact that it’s fancy talk for going to college for like 8 years to play with animal bones and act like you’re not a freak
My dog plays with bones and he never had any college. In fact he flunked out of obedience school. And he licks his butt just like anyone else. Read more “Skeleton Playing Cards”
Wig out with the Wig Head Vase. It will let you make funny hairdos out of your flowers and plants. It’s basically like an upscale Chia Pet. Sure, you could use these head vases to decorate your house, but I would use ’em different, cuz I’m a rebel like that.
I would arrange all my plants on the mannequin head there and then glue them all to the head. Wait two hours. Then peel them all off and wear it my own damn self. Cuz these hairdos look good.
