Snow globes are way too happy and nice. You shake them and you make it snow over a cheery winter scene. Maybe you want to cause some destruction instead. The Apocalypse Snow Globe will let you do just that. Watch as the grey and black pieces of debris rain down on this wasteland of a city.
It’s the perfect gift from a Grinch this Christmas.
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Zombies. You gotta shoot the head. Anything else is just a waste of time. If you plan on living in the Zombie apocalypse, you have to have a gun. That means you have to have a cool holster too, so you can twirl your gun around and make pew pew pew noises, then re-holster it and look cool. *BANG* Hops around on one foot checking out the smoking hole in my other foot. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! zombies are in the trees! Run!
I may be on crutches for the next week or 3, but at least I have some wild Zombie holsters from Etsy seller RinehartLeather. They have all kinds of cool hand tooled leather holsters and stuff.
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This Skeleton Dog On a Leash is man’s best bony friend. Plus, he’s already been dug up from a pet cemetery and cleaned up, so you don’t have to dig all night in the moonlight.
He won’t shed, he won’t poop and he won’t bark. It’s the perfect dog for runway supermodels, since dogs always look like their owners. In this case all bones and thigh gaps everywhere.
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These Name Your Poison Whiskey Glasses are pretty cool, but they forgot marriage. And taxes. I kid, I kid. I married my wife for tax purposes so it’s all good. She got me this set for Christmas last year and I’ve been drinking out of the arsenic one ever since. Also not feeling very well and constantly pooping myself as she laughs.
You can’t even poison me right you cow!
Shut up you fat old idiot! I’m pouring you a double right f***ing now!
Oh, I’m drinking! I’ll take two!
*dodges flying glass*
I’ll see you in hell old man! I’ll be the bartender!
These light up cowgirl boots are perfect for a ho ho hoedown. Do you love the night life? Love to boogie? You will be the star of the show with these light up cowgirl boots. If anything happens to Rudolph this Christmas you can guide Santa’s sleigh.
Now I don’t want to look on my roof on Christmas night and see these boots up in the air with Santa’s bare ass between them. I knew I heard grunting, but it wasn’t the reindeer. WTF? You have packages to deliver. Thanks for ruining Christmas you dirty old perv.
Mom, is that you? Damn it mom, no I do not like your new boots that Santa got you! There’s another Christmas ruined!
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