Tag: creature

Creepy And Cool Creature Cups

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Creepy And Cool Creature Cups
These creature cups are pretty neat. They have better surprises on the bottom than my cups. Of course I don’t do dishes, so I tend to grow bacteria samples that turn into little wavy tentacles. It makes your tea taste extra biological and when you take that last sip, that tentacle high fives your tongue and gives ya a little kiss with one of it’s suckers.

These come in all kinds of versions, sharks, octopus, spiders and more. They aren’t as cool as the ones I grow, but hey, they won’t leave weird STDs on your tongue.
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Deep Sea Angler Fish Lamp

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Deep Sea Angler Fish Lamp
*Pretend swimming through my hazy and murky bedroom.* What’s that? Oh, shiny! I have to touch it. *CHOMP* This Deep Sea Angler Fish Lamp makes every day an adventure. A scary adventure, full of teeth.

This crazy fish is basically a flood light. Get it? Flood? It stands 5 feet tall, 4 feet wide and 5 feet long. The light over the head will lure you in so that when you walk closer, the eyes and body light up using a motion sensor light. I’m scared just thinking about it.

Alien Facehugger With Moveable Tail And Limbs

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Alien Facehugger
Sorry I’m late guys. Slammed too many Monster drinks and right now I’m twitchier than a facehugger in a room full of mannequin heads. This Alien Facehugger With Moveable Tail And Limbs is not helping. I discovered it at the same time my cat was behind me and put her tail in my face.

Ahhhh! Facehuggers are real! Get it off! *Grabs tail. Cat screams. I scream. We all scream, but not for ice cream.* And now I have a cat shaped hole in the wall and a pissed off cat with a vendetta. So anyway, I’m all extra tweaky. Did you hear that? Was that a real sound?

Anyway, this creeptastic Facehugger is all articulated with moveable limbs and tail. I’m not scared. I’ll grab it by the back of whatever passes for a neck and point it at a Budweiser. I just turned a facehugger into a beer chugger. Cuz I’m awesome like that.

DEAR GOD! CAT ON FACE! CAT ON FACE!
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Weird Crawling Alien Figure

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Creepy alien figure
This Weird Crawling Alien Figure is creepy. It’s crawly. It has some sort of fetuses trailing along behind it. Or possibly alien poopy. Maybe both. He probably had Mexican for lunch, which everyone knows, gives humans diarrhea. It does the same for alien males, while also inducing birth.

Which explains why he is crawling around in agony, his guts all in a twist, dropping Cleveland steamers along with his babies. My god the smell! But also the miracle of life. Should we be sickened or joyful? Somewhere Jesus is smiling down over this stinky sulphur smelling miracle of life. I imagine the last kid being pushed out with one last massive fart that hits the alien right in the face, making him pass out. It is now time for the young to feast on their father. By now even Jesus is like WTF and you can tell he’s trying not to hurl. He changes the channel.

Worry Warts Sculptures

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Worry Warts Sculptures
See, this is why I don’t need any stress in my life. Worry Warts. I had no idea these things were real. Now I know. It’s not the questionable women from questionable places that I sleep with giving me those weird bumps. It’s the WORRYING about what they might give me that gives me those bumps. These guys are a dead ringer for the bumps I got after picking up that female mechanic last week. Right down to the 3 hairs on their head.

She was a mechanic?

Yeah, a tranny. Works on transmissions and stuff. Duh!