Tag: creature

Gigantic Worry Eater: Great, Now I’m Really Worried

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plush worry eater
The idea behind this Gigantic Worry Eater is that kids can feed it their worries, fears, doubts, and anxieties. Just write down a worry or fear, shove it into its mouth, and zip its lips shut. Your worries are supposed to be gone. Problem is, this creepy, striped and head-tentacled monster is pretty effin’ scary. He’s gonna be the cause for any worries your kids have.

*Writing* Dear Worry Eater. Please don’t eat me. Please stop watching me while I sleep. Why is your fat body big enough to fit me inside? I hope this note appeases you and that in your great wisdom, you decide to spare my life. Signed, your victim for all time. P.S. Sorry for stuffing you full of dirty socks in an attempt to kill you and escape my torment.

Creature Teeth License Plate Frame

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creature teeth license plate frameScare the hell out of anyone who dares to tailgate you on the open road with this Creature Teeth License Plate Frame. I suggest you use it with plates like 1EATUN0W. Or just, you know, drive around without a license plate. You can say that this frame ate it. I’m pretty sure license plates are strictly optional like seat belts and windshields. I wouldn’t know since I tool around on my banana seat bicycle all day. I really should clean the bananas off the seat. It attracts flies.

Go ahead and laugh, but I don’t get stuck in traffic jams, I don’t buy gas and my bicycle bell sounds friggin’ awesome! *Ding Ding, Ding Ding* “Go back in your homes kids, it only sounds like the ice cream man”.

“More like the Kool-Aid man! Fatty!” *Kid ducks back inside*

“Why you little-!”

*Ditches bike in the grass and runs through the kid’s brick wall* Oh yeah!

Realistic Pokemon Instill Realistic Fear

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realistic pokemon
Etsy seller Bakucosas makes Realistic Pokemon that look scary as hell. They only have 3 in their shop right now, so catching them all is impossible. Bulbasaur looks like he will eat your hand clean off and then rip out your tongue and wipe his mouth with it.

I don’t know anything about Pokemon, but I know when to run like hell and throw my tiny dog at it. Your sacrifice will not be in vain Fluffy. I vow to breed my own Pokemon and one day I will return to avenge you! Or just, you know, maybe get a new dog. That’s probably easier on everyone.
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Mythical Creature and Cryptid Skeleton Identification Chart

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Mythical Creature and Cryptid Skeleton Identification Chart
We’ve featured MythicArticulations’ work before when we showed you their creatures in a can, and now they have this Mythical Creature and Cryptid Skeleton Identification Chart. It’s perfect for identifying that creature that you just encountered. Maybe you were relieving yourself in the forest, because you know, nature calls, and your junk got bit by a strange creature.

Well, now you can consult the chart and know that it was a Chupacabra. But that still doesn’t tell you if you need any rabies shots or if the thing laid eggs in you and is going to turn you into a mutant freak. It also doesn’t tell you how to make the swelling go down. Or explain why your junk now has the urge to find a sheep and drink it’s blood. It also doesn’t help you when the farmer catches you with both your junk and a sheep in the middle of a field in broad daylight. Start with, “I can explain”.
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Alien Head Salt And Pepper Shakers

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alien salt and pepper shakers
This set of Alien Head Salt And Pepper Shakers is what you want on the table when you abduct your next dinner guest. As any alien knows, it is only polite to feed them first, before you go anal probing the subject. Wine ’em, dine ’em, then confine ’em. That’s my motto! Wait! That came out wrong. I mean, if I was an alien.

This is a swell spread guys. You are the best dinner hosts an abductee could want. Thanks for the meal. And here I was worried that I was going to be subjected to experimentation. Ha! You guys are alright! What’s next? I have plenty of room for dessert!*rubs tummy*

*Four sets of black eyes turn toward me* The leader sends me a telepathic answer:

Uranus.

*Jaw drops to the table.* *Passes out and falls forward into a bowl of mashed potatoes.*