Tag: creature

Monster Pencil Holders

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monster pen holder
These pencil holders from Morgan’s Mutations will make your desk a terrifying place. But at least your pencils will be organized and stabbed into the heads of these grotesque monstrosities. The ones with the long tongues are especially scary. Get your number 2 pencils and your nightmares ready!

Use it to hold pencils, pens, anything that needs tidying up on your desk. It will also store and feed off of your fear, but I think that’s pretty obvious. These are great if you have a pen thief in the office. They won’t have the guts to reach for one now. You might even put a fake bitten off finger in there as a warning.
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Pocket Fetusoids: Poke-Fetus?

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fetusoids
Pocket fetusoids! Fetuses for your pocket. If my geek speak is correct Pocket Fetusoids roughly translates to Poke-Fetus. And you know what that means. You gotta catch ’em all. Except I’m pretty sure that Poke-Fetuses are not caught with red/white Pokeballs, but captured with some sort of slimy womb-balls. He he. Womb balls. That’s hilarious. Womb balls are the next big thing. Just bounce them around until you find the prize inside. A gooey fetus! It will change the game of Basketball forever!

Back on track. All on my own too, without meds. So anyways, Pocket Fetusoids, some of which look like Jake the Dog. Note to self: Kickstart the National Fetusoid League and get some players onboard.
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Awesome Primitive Predator Costume

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predator costume
Damn son! That is one fine Predator costume. Since I don’t have $3,362.32 can I just borrow it for a week and run around my neighborhood making clicking noises and shaking bones at everyone. Nah. Forget it. Being a predator is too much work.

You gotta take care of those dreadlocks and if you go into a salon to get your dreads oiled and your Predator nails painted, humans are gonna freak. Plus cops would be all over you, just because you ripped some dude’s spine out of his back. Then there’s that Chris Hansen guy. Always trying to catch a Predator.

Hey, I’m a female Predator. Come over to my house. We’ll watch the Alien movies, I’ll show you my trophy collection and kills. Cool, I’ll be right over.

Then when you arrive you find out it was really an underage Xenomorph on the phone and you get busted just because you brought a pizza and condoms.
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Lovecraft Tormented 3D Wall Hanger

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Lovecraft Wall Hanging
This terrifying sculpture is titled “Lovecraft Tormented“. Really? I never would have guessed that by reading his books. They always seemed so light and happy to me. I guess I’ll have stop reading his books to the folks at the mental hospital that I volunteer at. Sure, they cry and ask me to stop. And occasionally see Cthulu break through the wall like the Kool-Aid man, but that’s just because they’re cray cray. Right? Nah. Can’t be the books.

Cthulhuuuuuuu! Cthulhu where are youuuuuuu? See what I did there? That was the Call of Cthulhu. It’s a one man play that I just wrote. I kinda just gave the whole thing away for free, but that’s okay. I know I can take this thing to Broadway.

They Live Latex Mask: Formaldehyde-Face!

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they live latex mask
Obey, Conform, Consume, Sleep. “The man” is always telling us what to do and subtly mind-controlling us. “The man” aka these aliens from They Live.

You, reading this. You’re okay. This one: real f**n’ ugly. Well, I’m here to expose these formaldehyde-faces. I have come to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum. Because I care about my teeth is what I’m saying.

Aw, screw it. I’m too lazy to fight the secret powers that be. All I know is this guy looks like his head fell in the cheese dip back in 1957, but if you want to become one of our elite secret masters, you can buy this nicely detailed mask for $54.(Or 54 “Your God” notes) on Etsy.