Tag: decor

Shark Bite Adult Sleeping Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

shark sleeping bagI love this Shark Bite Adult Sleeping Bag. You can get in and shark all around the floor, all flippy floppy like a shark out of water, until you find your roommate’s leg hanging off the side of the couch and take a giant bite while he’s watching Shark Week. Dude, shut your hole. Stop screaming! The neighbors are going to complain. It’s just a flesh wound. Jesus, what a baby!

This sleeping bag is 6 feet 3 inches long. Plenty big enough for an adult human to be the predator of the house. I would advise you to go for the head first to avoid the screams of your prey.

Basket Full Of Skulls

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

skull eggs basket
Nothing says creepy like a basket full of skulls. Hey, why not? I put a basket of fruit on the counter and it just goes bad. It’s not like I eat fruits and vegetables. If I did, I would not have just marked the second week of no pooping on my calendar. It has now become an official holiday, since my cramps made me stay home from work today. My boss does not agree.

Nah. I lied. I don’t work. My full time job remains squeezing and grunting until I pass out. Sure it would be much easier if I just ate a friggin’ vegetable once in a while, but I ain’t no quitter. I start something, I see it through. I’ll get it out eventually. How the hell did I get from “basket of skulls” to this?

Just stressed. I’m pooped from trying to poop.
Read more “Basket Full Of Skulls”

Nightmare Decor: Nosferatu Head

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

nosferatu vampire taxidermy head
Bring me the head of Nosferatu at once! Damn, that was fast! To be honest, I’m not sure what to do with it now that I have it. Didn’t really think you would deliver.

This Nosferatu head looks terrifying from one side and extra terrifying from the other. That’s because the other side is exposed so you can see his brains. This might not have happened had he not been so negative. Nosferatu. Pffft! How about YESferatu? He was always so contrary.
Read more “Nightmare Decor: Nosferatu Head”

Slice Of Pizza Sleeping Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

pizza sleeping bag
Make like some cheesy crust and slip into this Slice Of Pizza Sleeping Bag. Did you sleep good? Yeah I had a good slice! Saucy dreams too! The pillows are sold separately by the same seller.

I’m buying one and having a big sleepover next month, so I expect 7 of you girls to buy this. Then we can all lay on my floor in a circle and make a whole pizza. Warning you now though, I will likely burrow from one sleeping bag to the other while you are snoring away, like a crazy pizza-groundhog. If we wake up in the same slice you have six more weeks of winter, so you best cozy up to me. Just the way it works.

Well, it’s been a slice. Laterz.
Read more “Slice Of Pizza Sleeping Bag”

Brain Specimen Coasters

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

brain specimen drink coasters
Hey! Don’t put your drink on my coffee table and stain it! Use your brain! Oh, I see you brought your own Brain Specimen Coasters. I didn’t mean that so literally, but cool. Pass me a slice for my Mountain Dew.

So…Hard to talk about anything else when you got slices of brain all over your table. I can’t think of anything cerebral to say. Uh, you didn’t actually make those yourself right? No, I don’t want to know. Thanks for giving me a piece of your mind, by the way. I hate spillage and stains on my table. Yet I don’t seem to mind brains. Is that weird?
Read more “Brain Specimen Coasters”