Tag: decor

Taxidermy Fridge Magnets

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

taxidermy fridge magnet
We don’t all have room in our homes to display stuffed and mounted dead stuff. So what can you do? Well, if you absolutely have to have some dead stuff around and the conversation with your dead grandmother’s corpse in the rocking chair has turned boring, try these Taxidermy Fridge Magnets.

No miniature animals actually had to die so that you can display them on your fridge. Ya whack job! I kid. But really, this is a much classier way to display dead animals. A real space saver too. Now you can be a big game (magnet) hunter. They even come in super cool packaging that makes each piece look like they are on display in a tiny room.
Read more “Taxidermy Fridge Magnets”

Skull Wall Sconces

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

skull light sconces
Check it out. What we have here is some mood lighting that is stuck on one mood, and one mood only, creepy. These Skull Wall Sconces will make your house look like an awesome fantasy castle. “From this day forth I shall make skull sconces of my enemy’s heads! This I swear!”

It’s a lot easier than what I did to get that whole Game of Thrones castle look. It took me like 3 weeks to dig that 10 foot wide mote around my house. And only about a minute for it to fill up with sh*t after I hit the sewer lines. Now it’s known around the neighborhood as Casa de la Caca. They also call me lord of the flies.

Dog Butt Toilet Paper Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

dog butt toilet paper holder
Leave and never darken my towels again! “How dare you sir?! My butt is cleaner than a dog’s butt! Don’t believe me? Have a look at this Dog Butt Toilet Paper Holder. You can’t get any cleaner than the orifice from whence the actual TP comes from, my good man. Never question my cleanliness again. Sorry about the towel. Some zout should get that stain right out.”

The Dog Butt Toilet Paper Holder. Nothing says class like a dog butt flossing with some heinie paper. I feel like the tail should wiggle though, cuz you know that dog is happy as a Floss-ton Terrier. Or should I say a Boston Derriere?

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA Stop me before I pun again!

Dead Mouse In A Guitar Case

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

dead mouse in miniature guitar case
Oh look, it’s a dead mouse in a mini guitar case. If you click through and scroll down below, you’ll see the mother (Sold separately) who is actually holding a guitar. She looks like she’s busking and when she gets enough change in her hat, the kid mouse will probably resurrect. Then they’ll take their little show to another street.

Never trust a busker. I just walk by a whole line of them with my iPhone app. It plays the sounds of change landing in a hat, cup or guitar case, so I don’t actually have to do it. Hey, I didn’t ask for the free concert! You don’t like it get a tour manager!
Read more “Dead Mouse In A Guitar Case”

Bacon Scented Pillowcases

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bacon scented pillow
Bacon this, bacon that. Don’t you eat anything but bacon? “No, I do not. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to see a doctor about a coronary.”

These Bacon Scented Pillowcases will let you smell the sweet scent of burning pig flesh even when you are not frying it up in a pan. So for me that would be my mid-day nap when I’m between servings of this delicious treat. It’s a pillowcase. It smells like bacon. Enough said!

You know what I just realized? I’m so silly. My pillowcase already smells like bacon. Thanks drool!