Celebrate Hanukkah with this cool Menorasaurus Rex and celebrate by lighting candles on a T-Rex. You probably already have a menorah, but I bet it isn’t a gold dinosaur. It is a gold painted plastic dino toy with metal candle cups attached.
Make your home into a Jewrassic Park this holiday season with this special piece of holiday decor. You can display it year round.
Thanks Jeremy.
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Wait what? That’s right. A UPS merman Christmas Ornament. I also asked myself why. I have no idea, You know how much weird stuff I see all day long? I could write a blog about it. Oh right. I do.
Hello? UPS? I’d like to make a complaint. I was standing on my porch waiting for the Fedex guy when the UPS guy, a merman by the way, swims up to me, all bobbing and waving in the air. Dude had his shirt unbuttoned and was fondling the hell out of my package. Said his name was Barry-L. He smelled like trout and aftershave. The neighborhood cats that followed the truck as it left that day ain’t been right since. All they do is make left turns now. Dude dripped a small pond on my porch too.
Hey look! It’s Santa in centaur form, sporting a big old booty and a buff chest. The head, arms, and torso are all Santa, but the body and legs are all horse. This basically give him more horsepower so he can deliver presents faster. You know. Like those socks and sweaters that he knows I hate, yet still gets me every year.
He’s magical. He’s mythical. He’s merry. He’s also, apparently, a friggin’ Pokemon. I can’t wait to see what he evolves into next year. He’ll probably have dragon wings and a snake body and turn all evil once the stress of Christmas Eve gets to be too much. Naturally, he will set fire to whole towns. Eventually another mythical creature will have to intervene. Jesus! Who else ya gonna call? FIGHT!
But wait. Here comes Krampus! The carnage! Streets on fire! Reindeers impaled on church steeples!We are all screwed!
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It is getting downright cold outside. It’s time for sweaters, fleece and mittens. It’s so cold, even the candles are starting to dress for winter. Take these Cable Knit Sweater Pillar Candles. They’re dressed up all warm and cozy, just like you and me.
I saw these last week and thought I could make my own. Long story short, a few sweaters glued around a wick and reinforced with earwax that I had laying around don’t make for a safe candle. Or as the fireman said, “It’s this idiot again guys. Let it burn!” Then later while I was sipping hot cocoa with a blanket around me, “Son, you are a special kind of stupid. Should you even be living on your own?”
Well duh! I’ve been saying that for years. Anyone have a sweater? I’m freezing here.
Inflatable Toast is the toast of the town. It is guaranteed to turn your frown upside down. That much is certain. But what the hell do you do with it? Hang it from your car rearview mirror? Present it to a mouse as a nice comfy air mattress?
I have no idea. I just really love toast enough to buy this. Toast is awesome. Buttery toast with jam. Yummy. Maybe I will use this as a toast rest. I have no idea, but I feel a rhyme coming on.
Inflatable Toast.
Blow it up with some air.
Put some butta on dat b**ch
like you don’t even care.
Spread it real good
till it’s nice and creamy.
I eat toast in the shower
all nice and steamy.
Bottom of ma toaster
all filled with crumbs.
All you haters of carbs
are f***ing dumb!