Home Decor From Hell: Demon Skin Rug

Demon Skin Rug
This Demon Skin Rug really ties the room together. And insures that no one ever enters that room again. Sure, it’s dead, but dead bees can still sting ya. I ain’t takin’ any chances. Look at the tongue on this thing. And the teeth.

Check out the images below to see this thing all laid out on a covered hot tub. That’s exactly where I would put it too if I wanted people to stay out. It’s as good as a sign that says, “this hot tub is protected by Satan and his minions.”

It’s expensive, but the seller says that it can be purchased on “LAY” away. They made a funny. Which I would find hilarious if I weren’t so scared.
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Large Whale Submarine Cutaway

Large Whale Men Submarine Cutaway
All aboard! This Large Whale Submarine Cutaway lets you experience the inner workings of the largest mammals on Earth and see the men inside who drive them. They aren’t the dwarfs and elves I thought they were. It’s a whale of a good time.

A great catch. The deadliest catch? Enough sea references. I heard you telling me to shut my blow-hole. Well shiver me timbers and quiver me giblets, my giblets ain’t been this quivered since me timbers were delivered. That there is wordstuff coming full circle matey. Yer mind be blown. *Hand gestures explosion*
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Cthulhu Dice And Prop Boxes

Cthulhu Dice And Prop Boxes
abenkim sells all kinds of cool Cthulhu Dice And Prop Boxes so you can store your dice and trinkets in style. Store your dice, assorted toenail clippings, whatever. It’s all good. Cthulhu don’t care if you store your underwear!

They are all handmade by people who H.P. Love Crafts! Do you Cthulhu? I Cthulhu. But only on the weekends, cuz I gots to get shizz done. And I can’t get stuff done if I’m Cthulhu-ing all over the damn place. Now can I? I only have so many tentacles and the lifespan of a gnat compared to some ancient horrors. Speaking of mother… *yells* “Where are my dice mom?” See? I need these boxes.
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Snail Monsters Are Slow, Slimey And Scary

zombie snail monster
Etsy seller limaceous makes all kinds of creepy and crazy, scary and slimey, gross and googly-eyed Snail Monsters. Buy one and they will mail it to you. Snail mail. Obviously. Good joke huh? Snailed it!

These little creatures are the perfect monsters. They’re all gross and nasty, but slow enough to run from. Plus, if you’re really scared you can just stomp them. Or slug them. Get it? I’m gonna use these to scare away real snails in my garden. Long story. It involves a septic tank overflow and a night full of thunder and lightning. Also stars me as the mad scientist. I’m not allowed to say anymore.
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Big Butt Buddy Crochet Pattern

big butt crochet
This Big Butt Buddy Crochet Pattern is exactly what it sounds like, a big crochet butt that will be your buddy.

Why you cheeky little-

Just talkin’ ’bout Butt Buddy.

You know what that means right?

Yeah, my buddy who is also a butt.

You mean your butt buddy?

Sure.

Ohhhhhh. Now I get it. Whatevs. I’m man enough to admit that me and my heinie homie are butt buddies.
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