Tag: etsy

Alien Abduction Tattoo On Synthetic Life-Like Flesh

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Alien Abduction Tattoo On Synthetic Life-Like Flesh
Now you can experience the joy of having your own badass Alien Abduction Tattoo without all of the pain of having it on your own flesh. This Alien Abduction Tattoo On Synthetic Life-Like Flesh will make a great conversation piece. I like that it looks like a limited edition Pop Tart. Don’t put this thing in your toaster, unless you like the smell of burning synthetic flesh in the morning.

It’s not real flesh obviously. The aliens probably have walls full of the real thing. If you get an alien abduction tattoo, they will rip it off while you are on the exam table. They gotta keep their secrets after all.

Leather Tarot Card Holders

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Tarot Card Holders
Etsy seller ContrivedtoCharm has some cool Leather Tarot Card Holders. That way you can keep your deck safe and organized. Reminds me of the only time I ever went to a psychic for a Tarot Card reading:

The death card. What does that mean?

Death! You idiot!

You mean someone in this room is gonna die?

I think we both know who.

Whatevs ya old crackpot! *Throws a tip on the table and heads for the door. Leaves and slams door. Hears a loud BOOOOOMMMMM! Opens door and peeks back in. Sees a pair of feet sticking out from underneath the piano that fell from the second floor.*

Holy Madame Cleo! She was right.

*Tiptoes around the wreckage to retrieve my tip.*
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Krampus Effigy Candle

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Krampus Effigy Candle

Check out this Krampus Effigy Candle. Or maybe it’s Gene Simmons. Now I’m not sure. Just like his head and set the mood. Whether it’s a romantic dinner you want or a soak in the tub, Krampus will be there. With his head on fire. And strangely, he’s not running around looking for a bucket of water to put it out.

I like Krampus. Gonna write a comedy screenplay. Here’s my pitch: It’s called Krampus on Campus. It’s a coming of age story about Krampus attending college. He parties, he lives, he love, he learns… It’s a heartwarming tale of a creature with a dream.

Awesome Octopus Bookends

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Awesome Octopus Book Ends
What you are seeing is not in fact an Octopus who turned to stone and was then cut in half. Although that would be pretty friggin’ rad man. Gnarly even. Maybe tubular. It’s not talk like a skater day? Oh well. *Rotates hat to the proper orientation and chucks skateboard behind me as glass shatters.*

No, this is a pair of Awesome Octopus Bookends. Hang on. I sense your confusion. Same thing happened to me. It’s actually for books that are whole and intact. Not just for the ends of books that have been sawed off for whatever reason. That would be silly. I knew that and didn’t have to google it. They go on the ends of your book pile, see. It’s actually a brilliant idea.

Confession time: Someone once asked me for a pair of bookends so I tore out the last page of War and Peace and Gone With The Wind. Boy did I feel like an idiot.

Ghostly Child In Window Art Print

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Ghostly Child In Window Art Print
WTF? Why does Nosfera-tot feel the need to visit when I sleep? He looks so sad. Probably because that soft spot on his head never fused together right. Maybe he’s stealing my dreams. Maybe he’s my guardian, protecting me from Freddy. I have no idea. I just know it’s weird and the neighbors have been complaining.

Look, how about I just buy this Ghostly Child In Window Art Print, then you can do your freaky thing and watch me all you want. Cool? You promise to keep me safe from Freddy right? Okay, cool. I’m trusting you here man. Don’t make me regret this.