Darth Minnie Mouse Ears Helmet

Darth Minnie Mouse Ears
When you combine America’s favorite female mouse with the Galaxy’s most evil tyrant, you unleash an evil sith as we have never seen before. Darth Minnie!

*Emperor’s old gnarled voice* Give in to your hate. Join the dark side. Dig deep into your wallet. Feel the merchandising! Wear the Darth Minnie Mouse Ears Helmet!

Nah, I’m good! But that chick’s super long neck is freaking me out!

Vertebrae Shot Glasses

Vertebrae Shot Glasses
Slipped disc? You’re drinking from it. I’m not inebriated. I am In-vertebrae-ated. So there. These Vertebrae Shot Glasses really help you put your back into it when you knock back a drink.

*Feeling tipsy.* Sure, I’ll have another drink. Spine with me.

*More tipsy* Say what do ya call an Egyptian back guy? A Cairo-Practer. Nose, I’m not drunk.

*Far beyond tipsy* Go aheads, click glasses together again. “This is Spinal Tap.” S’okay s’okay. Nosh drunk. Gonna talk to the pretty lady. Hey. Can I get your Lumbar? *Hiccup* Or at least some lumbar support…?

Marilyn Manson the Hutt

manson the hut
Manson The Hutt.
He had a big butt.

Made Leia a slave
in his fat slug cave.

Had him some moobs,
when you were still newbs.

Then put out the hits,
Despite liquid sh*ts.

Immature much? Yes. Yes I am.
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The Watermelon Skirt: Hey, Nice Be-Rind

watermelon skirt
I’ve never seen a pair of watermelons crawling through the grass like that. Don’t worry, I won’t tell Gallagher. These watermelons look nice and ripe and have super nice rinds. Wait, it’s a female! Wearing a watermelon skirt. Good thing you got up. Slithering through the grass like that, your rump looked like two ripe melons walking down the aisle.

I still stand by what I said. You have a nice be-rind. And that’s coming from a guy who prefers the seedless variety.

Mad Science Brain Cap

Mad Science Brain Cap
Put your thinking cap on. For real. This Mad Science Brain Cap makes it look like Dr. Frankenstein has been hard at work floggin’ your noggin. Technically it’s called the “The prefrontal cortex interference cap”, or PCIC, but that’s too many fancy words in a row for me. I just call it a “head case”, but that’s just me lashing out because that’s what I get called.

Words hurt people. If one more person looks at my fat man gut and asks me if I’m pregnant, Imma pee on ’em and tell ’em my water broke!
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