This Stained Glass Black Bat Night Light will put a bat up in your belfry. Sorry, that sounds like something dirty that Dracula would say. I vant to suck your blood. Then I vould like to put some bats in your belfry because you are a good looking woman.
Say, what is Dracula’s advice for not getting depressed by living a crazy long life on the night shift? Very simple. B positive.
Etsy seller Youmadewhat sells all kinds of little dioramas in plastic boxes, including these Garbage Pail Kids scenes. Too bad there’s no woman who will ever have kids with me. I would name them GPK names. Stuff like Ivana Suckyourblood or Grease Witherspoon. Maybe even Bruce Jender-Bender. Cleveland Steamer? Dim and Dough Kardashian?
But alas, I’m doomed to endless nights of Netflix binge watching and waking up with a sugar coma next to a Ben and Jerrys pyramid so perfect I blame ancient aliens. Whatevs. I got you guys right? Right? Guys? *sigh*
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Before the days of Etsy if you wanted a Cthulhu Necktie you had to go out and buy an octopus and let it live on the back of your neck, tentacles going down your chest. Eventually it would merge with you and share your mind-space. If you kept it moist enough it would even shake hands with your business associates for you.
Well, those days are gone. But that disgusting slimy feeling on the back of your neck lasts forever. Now you can just buy a tie with Cthulhu on it. We are living in an amazing age.
This monster mask is all teeth. Teeth going every which way but loose. That was a great movie. Right turn Clyde. *Swings arm out. BAM.* Oh damn. Sorry Grandma. But you know better than to sneak up on me when I’m writing a blog post. You needed a nap anyway. I apologize to whatever channel that is on the TV. You just lost your last Matlock viewer.
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Holy molar! What happened here? It’s like a bunch of people all sneezed an atomic sneeze at the same time and blew their teeth out. That happens to me sometimes, but instead of teeth, it’s usually bits of my lunch that spray all over the place. I’m the reason the salad guard was invented. I say it adds flavor, the law says I’m now required to wear a welder’s mask at all times.
This tooth art also looks like a bunch of oldsters left their dentures on the same tray in the hot sun. Either way, I’m glad I brush my teeth. You should too guys and gals.