Tag: etsy

Bigfoot Beer Glasses

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Bigfoot Beer Glasses
Get a set of 2 Bigfoot Beer Glasses. That way you can do like I do. Drink one and leave one out on the back porch for Bigfoot. Pro tip: He likes a stout ale. You pour anything else for him and you’ll be cleaning thrown feces off the back deck for a week. He’s such a baby!

Then if you don’t give him a beer at all he’s all like, I’m just gonna walk around all night grunting outside of your window and leave huge footprints while I whine like a wuss.

The intervention is next week. I still have to order the tranquilizer darts and body armor.

Panty Hose Art

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panty hose sculptur art
*Stares at the art on the gallery wall* Can I help you sir?

I’m looking for something sexy. Something that captures the essence of a woman throwing her clothes against an open window for a full week. Yes! Yes, that’s it! Panty hose art! Sheer genius! I’ll take two! I’ll pay later. I promise. No need to worry about me doing a runner.

Reminds me of a joke I heard once. How many animals can you fit in a pair of panty hose? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, and a fish that no one can seem to find. I’ll be here all week…

These go well with the jeans sculpture.

Hypno And Slutzo The Clowns

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Hypno And Slutzo The Creepy Clowns
Check out Hypno and Slutzo. Sounds like a demented Vegas Clown act. Step right up ladies and germs. Hypno will control your mind and Slutzo will do unspeakable things to you. You’ll laugh, you’ll scream. You’ll cry your eyes out and wish to pluck them from your skull.

Hypno is 7 feet tall and creepy as f**k. He holds some kind of hypnotizing wand that flashes crazy colors as he talks about how he loves children. Don’t believe me? Check out the video below. Slutzo is self explanatory. Both are scary and evil as hell. You can’t unsee them.
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Face Mask For Alien Queen’s In Training

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Haute Couture Face Mask
I have no idea what this mask is about, but it hides your face and makes it look like you are transforming into an alien queen. By the time this mask melds with your skin and you scream in horror trying to pull it off, it will already be too late.

Next thing you know, you’ll be dropping alien eggs from under your dress, which burst out of the shell and skitter away to hug another face. Thanks for infecting us all. The human race really appreciates that. Nice one. I’m off to hide in some old bomb shelter for like 20 years. I’m bringing a radio to drown out the screams above.
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Creepy And Cool Creature Cups

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Creepy And Cool Creature Cups
These creature cups are pretty neat. They have better surprises on the bottom than my cups. Of course I don’t do dishes, so I tend to grow bacteria samples that turn into little wavy tentacles. It makes your tea taste extra biological and when you take that last sip, that tentacle high fives your tongue and gives ya a little kiss with one of it’s suckers.

These come in all kinds of versions, sharks, octopus, spiders and more. They aren’t as cool as the ones I grow, but hey, they won’t leave weird STDs on your tongue.
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