Tag: etsy

Anatomically Correct Chocolate Skulls

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chocolate skullTell them you love them(in a creepy way) by giving them the gift of chocolate shaped like a real human skull. These skulls are nicely detailed and super delicious. Alas poor Yorik. I knew him, Horatio. A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. Of quality mouth-watering chocolate. *bows*

Thank you. Thank you. I will be performing Hamlet on stage with this chocolate skull all evening, all chocolate faced like a 5 year old, until I pass out from a sugar high.
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Quack The Ripper Taxidermy Duckling

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quack the ripperBetter call Scotland Yard. This looks like the work of Quack The Ripper, London’s most notorious killer duckling. It’s not every day you see a duck go on a murderous rampage. Unless you frequent Etsy of course.

The tag line for the imminent movie version of this Etsy listing is “Scotland Yard is on the case, but this duck don’t give a f**k!” Would you pay to see it? I know you would. What’s wrong with you people? I’m just seeing it because it’s a chick flick! Duckling, chick… Close enough.
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Disturbing Doll Head Candleholder Centerpiece

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doll head centerpieceHow’s this for a creepy centerpiece? Only on Etsy could you stick a doll’s head between two candles and call it a centerpiece. Maybe for dinner in hell. If you ever find yourself in the fiery depths of hades, you are sure to see this centerpiece on some table so that the likes of Hitler and Josef Mengele can admire it as they eat bowl after steaming bowl of s**t soup for all eternity.

I for one don’t need any demented Toddlers and Tiaras on my dinner table. Can you imagine the foul demons this thing would summon when lit up? Now I’m gonna have nightmares.
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Pizza Dragon: A Song Of Cheese And Fire

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pizza dragonWhen you order this awesome Pizza Dragon, he flies to your house in a half hour or less, or he’s free. Free to set your face on fire, while he drips flaming grease and pepperoni from his wings like the vengeful winged stuffed-scale crust pizza demon that he is.

That gives me an awesome idea for a pizza chain. I’m gonna raise baby pizza dragons. I’ll raise some pepperoni, some with other toppings. They don’t even need to go into the oven since they practically cook themselves. Best of all I won’t need drivers. Just pay for your Dragon-Pizza and it gets set free so it can fly to your house. I would get rave reviews too:

“By the time I caught the thing I had third degree burns and melted cheese all over my house and now I’m undergoing throat surgery since it’s saucy blood was like lava.”

“It was OK, but my wife and Khaleesi is the Mother of Dragons. She was pretty pissed when she found out what we were eating.”

“The sausage was all carbon and ash by the time it got here. Then it ate my cat, which sucked, however, it immediately grew new bits of sausage all over it’s cheesy skin between the wings… with bits of fur in it. At least I didn’t have to bury my animal. Thanks Pizza Dragon!”
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Ancient Alien Elongated Skull

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ancient elongated alien skullThis ancient alien skull may be from a real alien. It also could have been formed by a process called “boarding” where they used boards to elongate the head. My theory? I think ancient women just put their kids in a nest and sat on them to keep them warm. If you get your skull crushed between two ancient woman butt cheeks, you are going to have a cone head. That and you are gonna smell like ancient woman farts.

Sadly, we don’t have the fart testing technology to prove my theory, but we do have the technology to buy this replica online for $90.
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