I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. Which is good for you since then you’ll have an awesome gooey glue corset to wear. Remember being a kid and putting glue all over your hands? Letting it dry and then peeling it off like you were a lizard shedding it’s skin? Maybe that was just me. I was a special kid. I spent hours peeling that junk off while flicking my tongue and hissing. Needless to say, snakeboy never lasted long at any one school.
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Tag: etsy
Monster Face Ear Muffs
What? Say it again, louder! I can’t hear you over these monsters growling in my ears! When they aren’t growling they are making chewing noises. Put a monster face on each ear with these monster ear muffs. Monster fur has been known to keep your ears toasty as a Pop Tart.
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Infector Gadget May Be The Creepiest And Coolest Action Figure Ever
Do do do do do Infector Gadget do do do do do doo doo! This nasty little zombie freak will be the hottest(and nastiest creepy) action figure this year. Only $50. He is 8 inches of pure WTF awesomeness. Coincidentally that’s what I usually say to the ladies, but that always ends in laughter, followed by a debate about whether you can include the taint in the measurement. After that it’s just tears and a bucket of ice cream for me.
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Life Hack: Buy Plates With Ants Already On Them
Looks like the ones I already own, but what the hell, they match my dishware, being all black spotted and crawling. These plates already come with real ants on them. No need to just set your dish on the counter and wait for them to swarm like the Borg Collective maniacs they are.
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They Look How They Feel: Bloody High Heels
Women look great in high heels, but I bet they feel like torture. The things women go through to look good for men. Seriously ladies, we don’t need all of that. Just cook us a meal, clean up the place while we play video games and try not to talk too much about your day. Really we–
Update: Wife was watching me type and totally smacked the s**t out of me. My face is gonna look like keyboard for a few hours since I faceplanted myself into my laptop on the floor. She also handcuffed me to the toilet and left a note.(Yes I was typing on the toilet. Problem?)
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