Hungry Hungry Hippo Rings

Hungry Hungry Hippo Rings
Hungry Hungry Hippos Rings. I’ll get one and you can get one. Then we can have some epic marble eating competitions. They really work. I haven’t played Hungry Hungry Hippos in ages. If I want to see a bunch of large beasts fighting over stuff, I’ll go to any Walmart next to a McDonald’s on a Black Friday.

I’d have one of these on every finger. Both hands. Then you can unleash the marbles. Or these little cheese puff balls. That way I get to eat what they eat. Hey, I’m also a Walmart customer the rest of the year.
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Rib Cage X-Ray Skeleton Sweater

Rib Cage X-Ray Skeleton Sweater
Hey, nice ribs. You’ll be a walking X-Ray in this Rib Cage X-Ray Skeleton Sweater. You’ll be warm even though it looks like you have nothing on. Fun fact: This is how I look every time I plug in my toaster. I always curse the landlord, shake uncontrollably for 2 hours and then forget about the whole thing. This jogged my memory. What was I typing about? I like toast.
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Crazy Food Marionette Puppets: Watch My Hot Dog Dance!

Crazy Food Marionette Puppets
These crazy Food Marionette Puppets from pocketlamps are awesome and freaky. I wanna get one just so I can make my wiener dance around and sing. Maybe put on a one man show. I would call him Wiener Schnitzel. It would be the worst. Bratwurst! The reviews would say, “That is one hot dog!” and “I relished the whole thing.”

There’s also a Hamburger and a pretzel. I gotta go write my script. I am gonna bring Broadway crashing to it’s knees and weeping to make it stop.
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The Ultimate Halloween Advent Calendar

The Ultimate Halloween Advent Calendar
That thing you have in your kitchen? That’s not an advent calendar. This is the Ultimate Halloween Advent Calendar. I gotta stop right here. Time out. I admit, I have no idea what advent calendar means, but my fifth grade education wants to say it involves adventure and time. The answer? DOCTOR WHO? Am I right? Do I get to take a ride in the TARDIS? No? Well, screw you too BBC. I would make an excellent companion. I’m leggy, elegant, always up for adventure, look great in a skirt and I can work a sonic screwdriver like a pro because it’s all about the wrist action and a confident motion when the Doctor puts it in your hand.

Uh… Is everyone as creeped out as I am right now? Yeah, I can totally see why the BBC wouldn’t choose me. I need to use words better.

Look, all I know is that it’s fun to open doors and see what the next Halloween surprise will be. Is that it? That’s what an advent calendar is? I feel kinda let down to be honest.
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Life Size UFO: Take Me To Your Leader

Life Size UFO Take Me To Your Leader
Hello Earthling. This is my life size UFO, which is totally rad and stuff. Don’t touch the paint. Take me to your leader. I really need to do a number 3. Better call a hazmat team. I had space chili earlier. You know what they say about space chili. It scratches that itch, but the ride home’s a biatch.

You gonna take me to your leader or what? I just Blarted in my space suit! You don’t know what that means, but trust me on this one, back up like 20 feet and don’t approach the impending crater for 24 hours.
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