Tag: fun

Deep Sea Critter Lid Lifters

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deep sea critter lid lifter
These Deep Sea Critter Lid Lifters are cool. You know what sea creatures hate? Pots that boil over. I know from personal experience because my wife is a raging sea hag and she can’t even cook a bowl of noodles. *dodges a bowl of flying boiling water* You missed me bi-

Update: Typing this from the library now because boiling water and blogging do not mix. Been picking boiled pasta from my keyboard for 2 hours. I’ll be headed to a Best Buy right after, so I can get screwed on a new laptop and no, if it doesn’t cover a rampaging wife from hell, I don’t want your warranty!

Anyway, where was I? Yeah, so these lid lifters look like sea creatures escaping from your boiling pot. That’s what all the food looks like in my house. Like me, everything just wants to escape her clutches. Looks like it’s going to be another night dining at Chez Kit-Kat with a side of Burger King. I better call Cthulhu and see if she simmered down before I head home. Also gonna get a waterproof case for my new laptop.

Wear This Pizza Hat To Pizza Hut

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pizza hat
Mama mia! Why you a wear da pizza on your head? Pizza hat! Hmmm. Tough choice. Pizza Hut or Pizza Hat? Imma do both. All the fine Pizza Hut ladies are going to be eyeing my pepperoni. They might even think I own the place. They’ll invite me backstage so I can see how the pizza is made, ask for my autograph.

Then when it’s time to go, I’ll pick up my pizza hat and slam it on my head. And since it was a piping hot pizza and not my hat, half my face will be burnt off and I really will own the place thanks to a sweet lawsuit and a shady lawyer. It’s criminal to let just anyone back there with hot lava pizzas. Especially an idiot like me.

You guys should totally come check out my new franchise. I’m gonna do what they should have done a long time ago. Get the rights to Jabba the Hutt and market the shizz out of these pizzas. Free slice to anyone wearing pizza clothing. Ladies, give me your number and I’ll stuff your crust while you wrap me in bacon. Cool? Life is sweet for a pizza entrepreneur.

Leaping Lizards: Handmade Costumes For Bearded Dragons

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lizard costumes
Etsy seller PamperedBeardies makes all kinds Handmade clothes for lizards, because you don’t want lizards just waving their junk all over the place. Hey, I have a beard! Nobody ever pampers me. Well, except for that one night in the hotel with the midget, but that was a box of Huggies, not Pampers. And as far as I know I got rid of all of the evidence afterwards, except for the talcum powder smell.

Get your lizard an awesome shark costume, Princess Leia, a Mexican Fiesta costume, the Easter Bunny and more. What, no tuxedo? No business suit? What if my lizard wants a career?
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Wingman Shot Glass: We’ll Have A Double!

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double shot glass
The Wingman Shot Glass let’s you and your wingman get drunk at the same time so that your wingman is as useless as you are. It’s also perfect for conjoined twins. The more you drink, the drunker you are, therefore the more you backwash. Now you can both enjoy the nasty saliva pudding at the bottom of your drink.

By 3 AM you will both be in the parking lot trying to figure out how this clear tire iron works. You were supposed to be my wingman! Now what are we gonna do? I give up. Let’s just fill it with booze again and see what happens. Stop drinking so fast, it’s all over my shirt! Stop being a wuss and hold up your end!

These Electric Outlet Wall Art Stickers Are Shockingly Awesome

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electric outlet covers
Cover those boring electrical outlets with some fun pop culture characters. Etsy seller ElectricStickerCo has everything you need. Characters like Finn and Jake from Adventure Time, Heisenberg from Breaking Bad, Doctor Who, and a bunch of monsters.

Reminds me of that time I stuck my finger in the socket and got a cool new hairdo and was catatonic for like 2 hours. Thanks for child-proofing those outlets mom. I guess it helped to make me the freak I am today.
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