Tag: fun

Gamer Wedding Cake Toppers

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gamer wedding cake topper
Look at these guys. Getting dragged away from their video game crack habit. These Gamer Wedding Cake Toppers let you know right at the wedding that your gaming days are over. Suckers. The first step in not getting married is to avoid women. Period. Step one will help you to avoid women’s periods too. Sure, we all have an urge to spend time with the fairer sex, but that’s what rescuing Princess Peach is all about. What I’m saying is, they can’t trap you into a video game-less marriage if you stay inside and play video games all day.

Take it from me. That’s just how I roll. Of course the only downside is being 30 and having your MOM drag you away from the video games. And up the basement stairs. And paddling your backside, but that’s a whole other story. That really sucks. If you haven’t seen actual sunlight in a few weeks, that shizz hurts your eyeballs! Not to mention your heinie. Happened to me last week!
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The Potty Piano

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potty piano
Create a jingle while you tinkle with the Potty Piano! It will give you something to do while dropping the kids in the pool. Let your feet tap out a tune while your keester is dropping to the beat. Feeling creatively backed up? No problem. It comes with a songbook.

Play some Chopping Broccoli while you are dropping some Broccoli you ate like 12 hours ago! The hits like the s*its just keep on coming. This is how Elton John got his start. And his name!
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Mummified Baby Bird Feeder

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mummified baby bird feeder
Damn that’s nasty! Don’t have a mummified corpse to put in your yard so that birds and squirrels can feed from it’s dead body? No problem. Etsy seller AutumnsOddities has you covered. Your yard animals will love this Mummified Baby Bird Feeder.

Basically it makes it look like you left your kid permanently unattended in your yard until little Bobby or Susie has become squirrel food. Just fill it up with bird seed and then watch nature do it’s nasty thing. Just remember, they’ll be pecking at you next while you try to sip some lemonade in the backyard.
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Animal Butt Magnets Have Animal Magnetism

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animal butt magnets
These Animal Butt Magnets let you unleash your inner animal. Hey honey, where’s the grocery list? Check the elephant’s butt. On the fridge. Forget flat magnets. Instead use something that looks like it’s going to drop a deuce on your kitchen floor. Thankfully this animal booty won’t drop animal doody.

This set of six animal magnets includes a giraffe, leopard, lion, elephant, tiger and hippo butts. Fun fact: The Hippo butt is my spirit animal. That’s why walking through Walmart is like a holy pilgrimage for me.

Public Toilet Survival Kit

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public toilet kit
I find this Public Toilet Survival Kit very lacking in the real necessities for surviving a public toilet. Or should I say, pubic toilet since you will more than likely find some guys whole bush of pubes on the seat? My ideal public toilet survival items?

Magazine- I might be a while. Also helps to fan the stink around. Swat some flies.

Second magazine- This one you just throw in the toilet. It blocks other people’s nasty pee and poop larvae from splashing up into your butt more effectively than toilet paper. TP just does not prevent the upsplash after you drop a log.

Third magazine- I recommend a tabloid. In the event that the TP is out, you can smear some celebrity faces with your fecal fudge. The smile I get from smearing Kim Kardashian’s face with my brownie maker is priceless.

Use my 3 magazine system in conjunction with this survival kit and you will be just fine in even the nastiest bathroom.
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