Eye Exam Chart Tights

eye exam tights
These eye exam chart tights will let you check out a great pair of legs while also taking an eye test. Damn girl! You gots a fine pair o legs. And thanks for the free checkup! You’ll be happy to know that I scored a perfect 100% on the test. The real question is, how do I score with you? Hmmm? They say I’m popular with the tight-wearing 20-30 year old female demographic.

On the other hand, I also score high with the crazy cat lady 60-70 year old demographic. Beauty is both a blessing and a curse.
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Skull Shaped Sugar Spoon

sugar skull
This skull shaped sugar spoon lets you pile heaping mounds of sugar aka white death onto your spoon so that it looks like the poison it is.

The hell? Did I just say that? Yeah, I’ve been putting the moves on this healthy chick, so I have to practice and pretend I’m not a fat slob. It’s gonna work out great right up until I invite her over for Mac and Cheese with a bacon appetizer.

Totally getting this spoon though. Mounds of skull sugar are the best. It’s like having a sugary grim reaper bringing you one step closer to his embrace, a spoonful at a time.
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Five Finger Fillet Pen Holder With Custom Pens

finger fillet pen holder
I used to be the king of Five Finger Fillet back in the days when I had five fingers. Scratch that! I’m still the king baby! You don’t have to worry about slicing fingers that aren’t there. All hail the king minions! Give me five! I mean slap me two. Spot me one! Played again and now there’s none!

Imma get this Five Finger Fillet Pen Holder so I can relive the glory days of spurting blood and screaming like a baby. It comes with it’s own custom pens and basically looks like a liquid metal Terminator hand stabbing itself.

Moby Whisk: Whisk It With A Whale Tail

moby whisk
When some batter comes along, you must whisk it. Now whisk it. Whisk it good. With a whale tail. Whale hello! This mixing whisk has a whale tail. Thankfully, not the kind you see at Walmart. For those you would need a much bigger bowl. It is taking the kitchens of animal lovers everywhere by storm and goes perfectly with the Loch Ness Monster Ladle.

Have a whale of a good time while whipping up some food for the family. It’s really over-whale-ming.
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Giant Cardboard Robot Arms

giant cardboard robot arms
This giant cardboard robot arms DIY kit lets you create…giant cardboard robot arms. Sweet! I am gonna terrorize everybody. At least until somebody figures out my kryptonite. NO! Not the box cutter! If that happens I’ll just run away to my robot lair and cry. Then move to another town and terrorize them all over again.

The kit comes with everything you need to create two giant robot arms and it will take you around 5 hours to complete. They measure 5.5 feet long. This is gonna be fun. Cower before me humans!
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