Cupcake Panties: Sweet Cheeks

cupcake panties
Etsy seller Knickerocker is making all of my dreams come true by combining two of my favorite things. Cupcakes and butt cheeks. I’ll have extra sprinkles on mine. These cupcake panties will put some frosting on your crack. Maybe with a cherry on top. They make your butt look like a tasty treat and allow you to be bakery fresh all the time.

You don’t fart in undies like these. You tart. Like a strawberry tart. I would buy these for my wife, but once a month she would just add her own raspberry filling and then get mad and throw them out.
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Katy Perry Teenage Dream Left Shark Painting

left shark
Ever since the Super Bowl, everyone is talking about Left Shark. The internet is going crazy for this dancing fool. So what? He made some mistakes. So his timing was a little off. At least he didn’t eat anybody. And that’s really hard to do when you’re in a shark suit.

You know he just wanted to take a bite out of Katy Perry. Me too. She looks delicious. She can be my chum anytime. Plus, do you have any idea how hard it is to dance with an erection? You try it. Throws your whole game off and you can’t even adjust your junk with fins. You need man hands for that.

Anyway, now he is a meme. He’s also an awesome piece of artwork. You just do your thing Left Shark. Be the dancing fool that we love.

Find a “groovy” version here and another version here.
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Shotgun Toilet Plunger

shotgun toilet plunger
Do you have a clogged up colon? Has this led to the plumbing in your home also having a clogged colon? First, try more fiber, then get this Shotgun Toilet Plunger. It will make short work of clogged toilets.

Plunging the clogged feces from your toilet has never been more fun. Plunge it down and pull the trigger like you’re a redneck hunting gophers. That’s how a real man clears some pipes.

BOOOOOOOOM. Toilet shatters. Poop fountain sprays everywhere. Okay, who replaced my plunger with a real shotgun? Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. But this is the third time and the landlord is getting pissed guys. Come on!

Beer Box Cowboy Hats: DUI, Dressing Under the Influence

beer hat
No ossifer, I am notch drunk! I jus likes nice hatz! Just cus my hatz made of a beer box doesn’t mean I imbible alcohol. I was jus on my weight to Nascar what wif wrestlin not being on and all. Bref-a-lizer. Watts a bref-a-lizer?

Whether you are on your way to NASCAR, a tractor pull, or just chillin’ in your single-wide watching the wrastlin’, these stetson hats made from beer boxes will make you the King. Of beer. They come in all kinds of beer brands. It let’s them know what you drink before you even get to the bar. It also lets law enforcement know who to hassle.

*Points radar gun at car zooming past. Puts car in gear* We got us a live one! He was only doing about 35, but he must be drunker than a skunk at a Tallahassee wedding cause he was wearing a damn beer box on his head. Call for backup. This one is gonna be trouble.
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Vintage Deck of Cards Straitjacket

deck of cards straight jacket
Any 8s? Nope. Go fish. Any Aces? Nope. Go fish. This game is boring. Why don’t we play something else? Like crazy 8s? Well, because that game is too damn crazy. That’s why I have my deck secured in a straight jacket. So it doesn’t hurt itself or others with it’s sharp edges. I also have it taking some pills and talking to a counselor once a week.

This straight jacket for cards is perfect for that one crazy deck you have that’s dangerous and deranged. It would also be perfect for keeping a haunted deck restrained. No cards are escaping this straight jacket!
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