Tag: gag gift

Shotgun Toilet Plunger

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shotgun toilet plunger
Do you have a clogged up colon? Has this led to the plumbing in your home also having a clogged colon? First, try more fiber, then get this Shotgun Toilet Plunger. It will make short work of clogged toilets.

Plunging the clogged feces from your toilet has never been more fun. Plunge it down and pull the trigger like you’re a redneck hunting gophers. That’s how a real man clears some pipes.

BOOOOOOOOM. Toilet shatters. Poop fountain sprays everywhere. Okay, who replaced my plunger with a real shotgun? Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. But this is the third time and the landlord is getting pissed guys. Come on!

You Shouldn’t Putt Where You Poop: EZ Drinker Toilet Golf

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toilet golf
The EZ Drinker Toilet Golf game is all about being able to enjoy a round of golf, instead of missing out because you are on the toilet all day trying to evacuate turd citizens from the natural disaster that is your colon. EZ Drinker? What does that mean? Easy there drinker. Don’t golf where you s**t!

This potty game makes the act of pooping even more rewarding. Forget eating extra fiber. Stay awhile and enjoy the green. I had this for like a week before I missed the toilet and added a yellow lake in the green. What can I say? My aim was off. The cats have added some litter and made a little sand trap too, complete with logs. Fun game, but it’s starting to smell super nasty.

The World’s Coldest Hoodie

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worlds smallest hoodie
At last a hoodie for never nudes! This hoodie shows off your not-so-killer abs, but why are you always so cold? This awesome hoodie is all black with neon stitching and even has a zipper that- Well, let’s face it, that zipper doesn’t even matter. It does have a full hood though, so while your nipples are shriveled up so tight they squirt man-milk, your head will be warm and toasty.

Looks like it goes well with high heels, tube socks and a Village People construction guy mustache. YMCA biatches!

Take A Perfect Butt Selfie With The BelfieStick

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butt selfie
Okay, so you have a mighty fine looking set of butt-cheeks. You could bounce a quarter off those cheeks and get a dime back. So you just gotta get a pic of that sweet cheek-meat and share it on social media. That’s where the Belfie stick comes in handy. It’s a stick that holds your smartphone, so you can get a picture of your badonkadonk and break the Internets. Belfie=Butt Selfie. Enough of this self-ass-ness.

I’m looking forward to the upgrade that adds like 3 feet to the stick, so you can take pictures of those extra wide Walmart shopper type butts. Actually, no. Not looking forward to that. At all. It’s gonna make Facebook walls look like the meat section of your local grocery store. If your grocery store packaged meat in short shorts and tank tops, and it just overflowed out of every side.

Beer And Soda Can Lamps

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mountain dew lamp
Etsy seller LicenseToCraft makes all kinds of cool lamps that are apparently designed for 30 year old nerds who plan on dying in their mother’s basement. You know, like this Mountain Dew lamp pictured above. Yeah, the one with the green shade made from pull tabs that look like a bunch of green alien heads. If that isn’t enough, look at the light this thing casts! That’s like 100 alien grey heads on the wall! All huddled together like an invasion force. Holy sh*t I am wigging the f**k out! You see that right?

If you think that’s no big deal, check out the Monster energy drink lamp below, casting what looks like a bunch of hooded demons against the wall! This is some serious illuminati(on) stuff right here! No wonder this drink gives people nose bleeds.

The Red Bull lamp projects some kind of weird bird creatures. It’s time for me to leave the internet for awhile. Thanks for making me trip balls internet!
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