Tag: gag gift

Toilets Of The World Book

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toilets of the world
This Toilets Of The World Book is like a travel book for your privates. I like to get a hot cup of tea and relax as I page through it, acting out the noises my bowels would make in each unique toilet. Which isn’t as easy as it sounds.

For instance, when I drop bombs in the traditional English ‘thunderbox’ is it prone to splashing? Does it echo ever so slightly? How cold is my bottom? What about the Swazi thatched ‘beehive’ hut? Is it low on water, causing my sadistic and stinky soft-serve to mound on itself until a roughly shaped beehive is formed?

Oh how I love the travel of the mind. I feel like I am there. And lighting a match.

MySack Golf Ball Storage Sack

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golf ball sack
You need some golf ball storage? Just use MySack. The MySack Golf Ball Storage Sack. Nah. Go ahead. Take it. I’m not using it. Just hang MySack from your belt. Make sure you fondle it occasionally, just to make sure your balls have all dropped to the bottom. Don’t worry, it will feel soft since it is made of ultra suede. Just don’t overdo it. It’s sensitive. Oh and keep it dry to avoid shrinkage.

You’re welcome.

Fifty Shades of Bacon

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fifty shades of bacon
Now this is the kind of erotic book I can get behind. Nah. Not really. That’d be gross and page after page of people rubbing bacon all over themselves. That’s a waste of bacon. No, this Fifty Shades of Bacon book is a cookbook that delivers the “full bacon experience”.

This is 62 pages with 50 recipes. If I could give awards to books, this one would win my “Golden Coronary” of excellence award. But even if a book won an award, how does a book give an acceptance speech? Simply by reading itself and thereby proclaiming it’s excellence. Bacon. Enough said.

Pro tip: Never judge a book by it’s cover. At first I thought this was a bacon identification guide illustrating fifty shades of bacon color and telling you which are good to eat and which would kill ya from being in the fridge too long. Or not in the fridge at all.

Rest Your Legal Tender On This Money Beanbag Chair

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money beanbag
It’s all about the Benjamins. Those soft and comfortable beanbag Benjamins. Your love of money knows no bounds, so cuddle up with a hundred dolla bill. Put your booty in Benjamin Franklin’s face and shake your money maker. Sink down deep into that green and sniff that chedda. Lay all over that sweet stash o cash. Jump on your Money beanbag chair in triumph. Cuz this is the life.

Hundred dolla bill yall!
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ButtHeads Are Cuddly Plush Cigarettes

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buttheads cigarette plushWhat a bunch of ButtHeads. Some are cute and some look grumpy, but these butts are for cuddling not for smoking. You can choose from: smoked, not smoked or stepped on. Pro tip: If they come home with lipstick on their filter, you know they have been cheating on you.

These huggable and lovable butts might even help you quit smoking. Just punch it or hug it. Or both. While others are lighting up in their smoking areas, join them with your ButtHead and softly caress it as you smell that sweet smoke. Take it with you everywhere in place of smoking. On the bus, to the movies, to dinner. When the craving becomes too much, strangle your ButtHead. That’s what it’s there for. It’s sooooo hard to quit. Which is why your ButtHead will end up shredded, on the wrong side of a knife as you completely lose it.

Damn. That felt good. I need a smoke after that.