Tag: gross

Monster Light Switch Cover Plates

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Monster Light Switch Cover Plates
*Flips switch* Ow! Cut my finger on the teeth again. Ow! Damnit! Now I probably have an infection from Monster saliva. What the hell. I didn’t need the lights on anyway. Gonna use candles from now on. Stupid Monster Light Switch Cover Plates. Plus, that puddle of drool/saliva on the floor under the light switch is probably a safety hazard. These guys still aren’t housebroken. And I’m sick of brushing their teeth once a month! That’s more than I brush my own.

If you don’t mind all that, you can choose from this one or this one.
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Gross Eyeball Pen

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Gross Eyeball Pen
This Gross Eyeball Pen is nasty. The problem is that it sees everything you write. You won’t have any secrets when you use this pen. You write something it doesn’t like, then it’s gonna eyeball you. It seems to have some festering blisters on it too. Yeah you ugly eyeball pen. I bet you show it a mirror and it wrecks its ugly self. I’m gonna make a special single sunglass for this thing. It will never look cool, but this will help.

Mr. Gross Face iPhone 7 Case

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Mr. Gross Face iPhone 7 Case
Call this nightmare monstrosity anything you want. I think we can all agree that it’s ugly. A face only a mother could love? This guy’s mother left him on the church doorstep. Then burned the church down. Dude is so ugly, he went to a haunted house and came out with an application. He is so ugly, when he sits in the sand, cats try to bury him. Damn this dude is ugly. Fugly even. But if you like ugly and disgusting, this iPhone 7 case is for you. I gotta look away, so later peeps.

Kitchen Overlord’s Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook

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Kitchen Overlord's Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook
The Kitchen Overlord’s Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook will help you to cook gore-met meals that will scare the bejesus out of your dinner guests. It has 69 recipes that will cover your table with so many eyes, ears, guts, brains and more. Your dinner guests may even call the cops because they will think you are a serial killer. They will want to stop you before you can cook again. It has everything from edible strings of human ears to looping guts that are meant to be pulled apart at the table. The recipes are tailored to Paleo, Gluten-Free, Vegetarian, and Vegan diets.

I think I lost my appetite. It fell somewhere in the entrails and I ain’t digging it out.

Losing My Religion… and My Lunch – Infected Crucifix

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Losing My Religion... and My Lunch - Infected Crucifix
If you have an Infected Crucifix like this in your church, you really have a health hazard. Would it kill ya to at least spray some Windex on everything, oh I don’t know, once a century? Cuz I know the bacteria and germs on this thing WILL kill ya. This will be the first time ever that a priest has to be called in to perform an exorcism on the cross itself. Actually, I’m pretty sure this is the cross that creates all demons and bad things in this world, while also smelling putrid, like the puss smell of a thousand zitty butts, when all the zits burst at the same time. Lunch? You lost it.

This piece really grosses me out. Why have you shown me this lord? Why have you cast my eyes upon this? What is the message?

*Booming voice* Because you have an infection you idiot!

Oh….

Is it my weiner? Please don’t let it be my weiner.

Waaaa waaaa waaaa. This is the thanks I get for trying to warn you? Nothing but complaining! NOW it is your weiner!

Oh boy! Starting to feel the burn. Is it too late for some hail marys and a confession?