Tag: halloween

Scary Skeleton And Skull Ring

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Scary Skeleton And Skull Ring
Ahh look at the cute little Scary Skeleton And Skull Ring clinging to the finger. He’s all like, “You are my human. Mine. Never gonna give up this finger.” Crazy, creepy, cool. Wait, what? What do ya mean it looks like he’s dry-humping? Nah, he wouldn’t do that. Shut your mouth! Call it Skully and it will call you Mulder. You can both solve X-Files together and have all kinds of conspiracy fueled adventures. You can be the true believer and Skully will be the skeptic.

I like it because when you give someone the finger, it means so much more when you have a skeleton ring along for the ride. I’d be flipping people off and Skully would be on my finger, all like, “Yeah, I endorse this.”
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Poltergeist Clown Prop Replica

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Poltergeist Clown Prop Replica
Remember that movie Poltergeist? I don’t. I was too drunk, which is the adult equivalent of hiding under the blankets. Something scares me and I go for the bottle. Oh s**t, a spider! *glug, glug, glug.* That’s better. So, this is a prop of the clown prop replica from the Poltergeist movie. It’s pretty scary. *Drinks.* A Poltergeist is a violent ghost. You don’t want any of that. If you kill it, it evolves into a Zeitgeist. I think. Been awhile since I brushed up on supernatural stuff.

All I know is, I saw a completely different movie than you did since I brought my alcohol security blanket. Let’s see if I can remember. Oh, for the first hour I thought it was called Polter-Heist and I kept wondering when someone was gonna get robbed. Turns out, it was me, when I paid for the ticket.
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Mannequin Soap: Now That’s Body Wash

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Mannequin Soap
Mannequin Soap. Touch that body. Work that body. Lather up that body. I like to use it until the booby mounds wear down, thereby changing the gender of the mannequin. I’ll have 200 please! Gonna put them all over my bathroom so people think I’m a serial killer.

“Where are the bodies you sick son of a-”

*Shrugs* All over my bathroom. You’ve seen ’em.”

“You wise-ass! Where did you dump them? I’m gonna see that you rot. Gonna make sure you get the death sentence.”

“Whoa! Hang on a second! For washing my hands with tiny mannequins? Good thing you guy’s didn’t see my wall of newspaper clippings and string flowcharts illustrating the takeover of our government by reptoid aliens who killed JFK and make crop circles for fun. Uh-oh… My right to be silent isn’t working. Obviously. Look, I’m just weird. I like weird soaps. Not the daytime variety though. Speaking of, shouldn’t a soap opera be lots of bubbles and a fat lady singing? See why the world is confusing for me? Are we done? It’s almost my nappy time.”

This Needle Felted Tarantula Is Scary, Hairy Too

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This Needle Felted Tarantula Is Scary, Hairy Too
As if I didn’t have enough things to fear. Why would they create this Needle Felted Tarantula? That is one hairy looking, scary looking piece of horror that is about to get stomped on by my foot. Well, it would get stomped, if I wasn’t cowering in terror right now, hunched over my keyboard inside of a tent. I think I covered every hole big enough for a spider to get through. I used glue, staples, duct tape, a sock and some gummi bears. Why do I even look at the internet?

Fun fact: I used to think spiders ate eyes, because people told me they have eight eyes. Now I honestly don’t know which is creepier. Also once thought they ate people’s legs when in fact they have eight legs. Anyway, I’m safe now in my little sanctuary. Look at that thing. All hairy and gross. What are you Hairy Houdini? I’m not afraid in my tent. Bring it on. You would have to be Houdini to get in here. I- OH F**K! IT WAS ALREADY IN THE TENT!

Dr. Frankenstein Antique Apothecary Jar Collection

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Dr. Frankenstein Antique Apothecary Jar Collection
You need to get your mad scientist lab in order. I’m not saying it isn’t up to code or anything. It’s just that you could use more cool stuff and you want your experiments to get super freaky and wild. Like this Dr. Frankenstein Antique Apothecary Jar Collection. It’s got everything an up and coming insane person could want to re-animate stuff, create mutants, turn your poop rainbow colored etc.

You get a customized jar with a hand sculpted human heart, a jar with a hand sculpted human liver(Goes nice with a bottle of Chianti and some fava beans), an antique style medical battery, a jar of human cadaver eyeballs, a flask on a metal base for blood storage and an antique style medical pump that works. Hot damn. I’m gonna finally create life. And not cuz I got a girl pregnant. *Screams* It’s alive! It’s alive! *Squish* It was a cockroach. I killed it. All good now. Man, I hate those things. What do you have to do to get rid of them? Actually clean your house?
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