Put your keys on this Jason Voorhees Hockey Mask Keychain and you will never lose them again. I never did find out what hockey team this guy was on. Not a big sports guy. I had no idea that hockey was a one man sport that consisted of going out into the woods and killing stupid people. I thought that was just a redneck thing. You learn something new everyday.
Tag: novelty
Squid Neckties
These Squid Neckties are almost as good as wearing an actual squid around your neck. In fact they are better. Let’s count the ways.
1- They won’t choke you with their tentacles.
2- Your shirt will not be wet and smell like seaweed.
3- You won’t smell like Squid all day.
4- The ink on these ties won’t shoot in your eye.
5- You can’t hang a bunch of Squid in your closet.
6- You can’t iron and starch a Squid. You can, but the stink!
All great reasons to choose these over a real Squid tie.
Sewn Bones: Plush Animal Skeletons
Floozey (Hey,didn’t we meet in a seedy bar one night?) makes these cool, cuddly and creepy Sewn Bones: Plush Animal Skeletons. Experience the softer side of skeletons. You can choose from rats, a two-headed Pug, a Dragon’s head and more. At least these bones will never be broken.
I’m gonna get the rat and name it Cal C. Um. Maybe I’ll get the Pug too and call their heads Ribby Allen and Mia Marrow. Hell, I’ll just have a plush menagerie of bone pets.
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UFO Alien Abduction Sign
Let your overnight guests know that aliens frequent your bedroom. This UFO Alien Abduction Sign will let them know that they could potentially be lying in bed minding their own business, when a beam of blue light lifts them out of bed.
They tried that shizz on me once. I was floating and rising up, then I heard their machinery straining and smelled smoke. Once their tractor beam broke, I fell back on my bed like a floppy fat fish and thanked God for my second helping of Cheetos and three bowls of ice cream. I win f***ers!
Bigfoot Sasquatch Metal Bookends
This pair of Bigfoot Sasquatch Metal Bookends is the perfect place for all of my UFO and unexplained stuff books. I’m always researching. Gotta beat him at his own big feet game. One day I’ll spot him and take a picture that will make me rich. Look at that couple holding hands and pointing up at that book. They have no idea that he is on the other side. What a bunch of rubes.