Tag: novelty

Octopus Gamer Print

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Octopus Gamer Print
This Octopus has game! He’s kickin’ it old school playing Nintendo. This Octopus Gamer Print will help you to remember that Octopus are cool and also that they will kick your butt in a game of Super Mario Bros. That’s probably because they squirt ink in your face every time you get the high score. I hate it when they do that. That’s why Octopi are my gaming enemies.

Octopus,
Octopi,
You spit ink into the wrong effin eye.

I’ll beat you fair,
I’ll beat you square.
I’ll beat you in my underwear.

I challenge you to Mario Karts,
Let’s see if you can withstand my gamer farts.

For I have Cheetos,
And I have Mountain Dew.
Now the very air, it smells like poo.

You have passed out and I have the high score.
I celebrate and show you the door.

I bid you good day you tentacled freak,
Now back inside to sit in my reek.

I said Good Day sir!

Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls

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Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls
VoodooDelicious has some truly delicious voodoo. Can’t wait to try their hoodoo. They probably have hoodoo, but I love that voodoo that they do so well. Like these Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls. Would you like sugar with your tea? Cream? A foreign organism of some sort? When true evil destroys the world one day, this is how it will be born into the world. Not from a pit in some toxic bog, not from some hole that connects to the center of the world, but from a tea cup in some old ladies house. Probably my grandma, cuz she is into some whacked out evil stuff. Next time she summons some freak from another dimension, I’m not coming over to sort it out this time to clean up her mess.

I like that guy in the second picture. He’s like a little old man, just chilling and getting all wrinkly. Relaxing before he climbs out and tries to conquer the world. Probably swaying my grandma with his charm and good looks. Probably braggin’ about how he doesn’t need a little blue pill. This guy is trouble.
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Deck The Halls With Ugly Christmas Ornaments

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Ugly Christmas Ornaments
Damn son, you gots some ugly Christmas ornaments. SoUglyitsCuteCrafts has all kinds of ugly Christmas ornaments to ugly up your Christmas tree. Normally, I just throw my own turkey leg on the tree, but now I don’t have to. There’s also an ugly pickle, ugly Santa hats and ugly poop. Why spend all day beating your tree with an ugly stick when you can just buy these ornaments. The ugly stick takes a while to work. Trust me on that one.

In my case it took 9 months in the womb. But that ugly stick may have just been my dad still doing the nasty after mom was pregnant. Whatever it was, it was scary. Left me ugly too. No wonder I’m so messed up. Thanks dad.

You ornaments are nasty. U-G-L-Y You ain’t got no alibi, You ugly. You ugly.
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Cute And Crazy Cthulhu Plush Monster

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Cute And Crazy Cthulhu Plush Monster
Meet the softer side of Cthulhu with this cute Cthulhu Plush Monster. Which is like 100 times better than a Cthulhu Lush Monster. That’s what they call me after too many drinks. This little guy is mean, green and can’t be unseen. I say little, I mean 22″ long. Which is how I wish that girl I picked up the other night had ended her sentence, but nope, she just said it was little and giggled. And left. No, I’m alright. Really I am. It’s not the size of your Cthulhu, but what you do with it right? I shouldn’t show girls my stuffed animals anyway.

So back to this massive and manly raging ancient one. It puts my little one to shame. Anyone would be happy to have a cuddly monster this huge. He’s pretty cute. If I had one like this, that girl would have stayed the night. They say size doesn’t matter when it comes to the monster you’re packing, but we all know it does. I guess some of us have the right monster and some of us don’t. *Sigh.*
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Pee-On Customizable Urinal Cake Kit

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Pee-On Customizable Urinal Cake Kit
The Pee-On Customizable Urinal Cake Kit lets you put any face you want on a urinal cake. At last, I will pee on the faces of those who have wronged me. Talk about a toxic avenger. Like that guy who gave me a hassle at the grocery store the other day when I told him I didn’t need a bag for my 1 item purchase. Take a bag. No thanks. You gotta have a bag. That’s okay. But it’s store policy. You don’t want someone to think you stole it. They won’t. I have a receipt. And you know I paid. Back off already. Damn kid. It ain’t worth the coronary strain that’s gonna cause your pizza face to erupt like a thousand tiny volcanoes. Chill already. I spent like five minutes arguing.

Yeah, that guy. Eff That guy. I’d like to sneak a pic of his face with my phone and put it on a urinal cake. *Peeing after like 50 drinks.* Now who wants a bag? I bet you want a bag, don’t you? Have a bag! Well you’re not getting a bag. Just pee! It’s raining pee, hallelujah it’s raining pee. Amen! Stick that in your bag you little-

I hate that guy.