Tag: novelty

Real Granny Panties: Golden Girls Underwear

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For Real Granny Panties Golden Girls Underwear
This 4 pack of Golden Girls underwear from Etsy shop BulletandBees will keep your crotch covered in old ladies for 4 out of the 5 business days of the week. I guess we need a fifth granny to round out the week. I vote for my granny. She’s always up in people’s business. Plus, she’s crotchety. Which means she’s grumpy, not that she likes to knit. Also, my granddaddy always used to say, “Get off my crotch woman!”

So yeah, I vote grandma. I hope she wins the panty election of 2015 and I get full credit as her campaign manager. She’s for the people and won’t leave ya crotch-less. Hope and change is her slogan. Not that that worked out so well last time. She HOPES that you will CHANGE your undies on a regular basis. What if you got into a car accident, for God’s sake?

Thanks Jeremy. I know you got yourself a 4 pack.

Don’t Cuddle The Krampus

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

Don’t Cuddle The Krampus
Parents use the myth of Krampus to make their kids behave around Christmas time, but what if this creature was cute and cuddly? Warpo aims to make Krampus a creature that kids can love with their “Don’t Cuddle The Krampus” Kickstarter.

Krampus comes with 3 naughty kids, which you can help him to hunt down and put in his bag. That’s what he did back in the old days. He put kids in bags, beat ’em up real good and tossed them in a lake or something. You are basically teaching kids to become this mythic creature themselves. Sure. Let’s make all of our kids evil while doing Krampus’ job for him. He probably started this kickstarter himself just so he could be lazy and get some time off. That kind of thinking is why he’s my hero.

Thanksgiving Roasted Turkey Hat

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Thanksgiving Roasted Turkey Hat
Do ya really wanna be that guy who wears the Thanksgiving Roasted Turkey Hat on Thanksgiving? Why the hell not? I spend my holidays alone basting my turkey all day anyway. What? If ya don’t do it often, your bird gets dry. I’ve had a lot of practice so I’m a basically a master-baster. Hell, I’ll master-baste all day long if no one stops me. Now I have a sweet hat to wear while doing it.

Facehugger Appetizer 3-Piece Set

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Facehugger Appetizer 3-Piece Set
Is there anything more appetizing than a slimy Facehugger attaching itself to your face and giving you a big hug? Of course not. That’s why you need this Facehugger Appetizer 3-Piece Set. Your hors d’oeuvres will taste so much better when dangling under an alien killer.

Okay, how many of you said “whores de-vores” in your head and giggled? Me too. Now let’s serve up some tiny weenies and cheese cubes cuz food is the best facehugger ever.

Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders

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Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders
These Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders show the true undead faces of this Disney couple. Put some candles in their heads and set the mood. A dark and horror-themed mood, with you dining alone on some Mac and Cheese…with two zombie mice staring at you. Ready to kill. Yet they never do, night after horror-filled night.

Sorry. My future just flashed before my eyes.