Tag: novelty

Puppet Head And Hands Taxidermy Trophies

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Puppet Head And Hands Taxidermy Trophies
I’m really digging these Puppet Head And Hands Taxidermy Trophies, but I want to request a Tickle Me Elmo version, to see what Elmo would look like after I tickled him with a shotgun out in the wild. I’d also like to see some of those Fraggle Rock dudes mounted on my wall. Puppets and I have a weird history. A weird and bloody history. *Shudders.*

The seller has several. But no Elmo damnit! They make great coat racks. Things are creeping me out.
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Hellraiser Lamp

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Hellraiser Lamp
I am so ready to raise hell! That’s why I can’t wait for my awesome Hellraiser Lamp to arrive. It’s here! Plug that bad boy in. Here goes. All kinds of hell is about to be raised. Lock up your daughters, lock up your wives, lock up the back door and run for your life! Here goes! *Switches lamp on.* That’s what I’m talkin’ bout! Wooooooo! Raising all kinds of hell up in dis biatch! *Turns lamp off*

That was honestly the most excitement I’ve had in years. I’m off to have a smoke and enjoy the after-glow. Phew! Gotta be honest, it’s gonna be hard to get back to my boring old life after that.

Gold Gilded Bat Necklace

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Gold Gilded Bat Necklace
Sweet! A Gold Gilded Bat Necklace. I’ve read all of the folklore, researched every legend surrounding this artifact. Now it’s mine. *Moves my hands like Indy trying to judge the weight of the golden idol.* OW! Damnit! Hurt my hand reaching into the screen, trying to snatch it.

Seriously though, the legend of the Gold Gilded Bat Necklace goes way back to Bab-Bologna-ian times. It was first worn by Bertha Batty Butt, bat-nosed Queen of a long forgotten dynasty. She ruled with an iron fist, a big butt and an army of bats, who also had big butts. It impaired flight. Probably why her rule was so short.

See, it’s not always about me being stupid. Sometimes you learn stuff.

Fashionably Creepy: Acid Washed Denim Bag With Panda

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KPop Kawaii Mori Girl Boho Bag
Sure. Why not accessorize with stuffed animals? This is an Acid Washed Denim Bag With Panda. Is the Panda also acid washed? I have no idea. Goes good with that weird snakeskin top. Reminds me of that time I was all like, “Mom, can I have some acid washed jeans? It’s what the hip kids are wearing. Can I mom? Can I? Please? You suck mom.” And with that she gave in, went into the garage, came out with a bottle of acid, ripped the jeans off me, threw them in the washer and upended the bottle in behind them.

Five minutes later, holding up the tattered, ashen and smoky rags that used to be jeans, “Now leave me alone, my soaps are on.” So I did. I gotta give her credit, mom always got things done after that mid-morning happy hour.

Skeleton Hand Ring

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skeleton hand ring
Chicks be like “When ya gonna commit and make an honest woman out of me?” and I’m all like, “If you want a ring, I’ll dial your number.” Then I just walk away. Nah. I wish I was cool like that. No girl girl is asking me to put a ring around her finger. But if they did, I would give them this cool Skeleton Hand Ring, cuz it probably feels all creepy, like you have a baby constantly clutching your finger. A tiny bony baby, with skulls for knuckles.

Boom! There’s my next business idea. Skeleton Brass knuckles for babies. I’ll call my line of accessories Badass Baby. No, make that Bad(Powdered-Ass) Baby. Cuz their butts are always powdered.