Tag: novelty

Fart Piano

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fart piano
You may not give a toot, but the Fart Piano is a piano that makes fart noises. Naturally, I’m interested, my own bunghole being off key.

It’s nine o’clock on a taco day
The regular crowd cropdusts in
There’s an old man sitting next to me
Ripping one with a big grin
He says, “Son, can you squeeze me a memory
I’ve really just run out of farts
But it’s sad and it’s sweet and I knew it complete
It smells like 3 rancid pop-tarts.”

La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Sing us a song, you’re the fart piano man
Sing us a song you louse
Well, we’re all in the mood for a melody
And your farts peel the paint from the house…

Check out a video below where a My Little Pony farts the classics. Seriously.
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Oktoberfest Skeleton Gnomes

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Oktoberfest Skeleton Gnomes
Make everyday Oktoberfest with these Oktoberfest Skeleton Gnomes in your garden. No one knows how to party like Oktoberfest Skeleton Gnomes. This pair may look cool and decomposed, but they turn it up to 11.

They raise their frothy mugs year round and look like they are about to fling some choice curse words at your neighbors. With these guys the party may be dead, but it goes on forever.

Special Occasion Diarrhea Toilet Paper

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diarrhea toilet paper
This Diarrhea Toilet Paper reminds me that the only dance I can do is the cha cha. As in Diarrhea cha cha cha. It has funny diarrhea phrases all over. Which beats having actual diarrhea all over it. I just like typing diarrhea. Cha cha cha.

Use it for those special occasions. Like when you actually have diarrhea. Might cheer you up.

Predator Crochet Mask

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

predator crochet mask
Quick. Get to da chopper! No you idiot, not the motorcycle with da long front wheel, de heli-chopper! *Predator stabs me through the back and rips out my spine.* Thanks for clarifying Arnold. Next time be more specific. I mean chopper could also mean blender for Christ’s sake. You want me to run toward a blender? Thanks for ending my life with your less than clear advice! *Dies*

This Predator Crochet Mask is scary and crafty as hell. Experience the softer side of Predator. And if you are in the jungle and running from Predator, be very clear about what you are shouting. Lookin’ at you Arnold.
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Puppy Pile-Up Game

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Puppy Pile-Up Game
Aw! Puppies. Now pile them on top of each other! For fun! This Puppy Pile-Up Game is all about using chopsticks to balance miniature dogs on top of a tower of teacups. So basically the same thing I do when i have tea.

*Sips loudly with my pinky extended.* Fluffy, come here. *Picks up my chopsticks. Tests them in my fingers. Looks at tiny dog. Looks back at chopsticks.* F**k it! *Drops chopsticks and picks the dog up with my hands. Balances it on a tower of teacups. *Now stay there Fluffy. I’m off to find the neighbor’s dog. If anyone stops by, don’t you dare tell them I cheated. You were picked up by chopsticks. Got it? Good!

I know you used to be the neighbor’s dog too. That was then this is now. Don’t sass me Fluffy.
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