Sweet! A Notebook Paper Necktie. I don’t wear a tie, mostly because no one would hire me and even if they did, I would only use it as a napkin at lunch, then lick the stains off like a cat. If I knew how to tie one, which I don’t. But it would be so sweet to wear this with a grocery list on it or instructions on how to tie it.
Maybe write that 100 word piece of fan-fiction I’ve been meaning to write. Pikachu and Darth Vader ain’t gonna romance themselves, while Rainbow Dash looks on with tears.
See, this is why I don’t need any stress in my life. Worry Warts. I had no idea these things were real. Now I know. It’s not the questionable women from questionable places that I sleep with giving me those weird bumps. It’s the WORRYING about what they might give me that gives me those bumps. These guys are a dead ringer for the bumps I got after picking up that female mechanic last week. Right down to the 3 hairs on their head.
She was a mechanic?
Yeah, a tranny. Works on transmissions and stuff. Duh!
This Aluminum Bat LED Flashlight is the perfect combination. See stuff in the dark. Hit stuff in the dark.
*snoring. Hears a noise. Shouts, “Burglar!” as I jump out of bed grabbing my bat/flashlight. Jumps toward the corner of the room where I heard the noise. Turns on flashlight as I beat something savagely so it looks like a disco to anyone looking at my window. Out of breath. Whoever it was, they seem to have given up so I shine the flashlight down toward the carpet. I knew it! Proudly stands over the corpse of the dead spider in the spotlight.*
Thank you bat/flashlight. Now I can rest easy.
This Big Butt Buddy Crochet Pattern is exactly what it sounds like, a big crochet butt that will be your buddy.
Why you cheeky little-
Just talkin’ ’bout Butt Buddy.
You know what that means right?
Yeah, my buddy who is also a butt.
You mean your butt buddy?
Sure.
Ohhhhhh. Now I get it. Whatevs. I’m man enough to admit that me and my heinie homie are butt buddies.
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Hey it’s a Plush Spam Sandwich! I’m torn. On the one hand it’s spam which is a known (to my toilet)diuretic and is vomit inducing. On the other hand, it’s a plush that looks kinda cute. What to do? I think I’ll have the best of both worlds and puke while I cuddle it.
Kinda like I did that night I found out my date was packing a sausage in her spam sandwich. It was cuddly and cozy. With tears.