Tag: novelty

Radioactive Waste Drinking Glasses

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radioactive waste drinking
If you don’t like the idea of drinking out of a human mouth, try these Radioactive Waste Drinking Glasses. I’ll have a Three-Mile Island! No, make that a Manhattan Project. Just give me a Chernobyl on the rocks.

I make my own radioactive glasses. It’s called not washing it for several years and then putting it in an industrial strength microwave for like an hour so that thick layer of bacteria glows. It’s a glass and a night light. The nose bleeds should stop eventually and now that the last tooth is gone, I’m spending my dentist money on cool stuff like video games, so I feel like it’s all good.

Now if I could just stop Hulking out when I’m angry, life would be sweet.

Statue With Uma Thurman Feet

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uma thurman feet statue
When last we saw Uma Thurman it was as a mannequin wearing a Poison Ivy costume. Now we have this….I apologize in advance for making you look at her nasty, weird, proof of alien life feet. They totally freak me out. Kill Bill? More like kill any pair of shoes. I’m pretty sure they’re still growing.

Anyhow, this Etsy seller has a rare statue with a serious case of Ewwww-Ma Thurman feet. The seller bought the statue feet unseen and then discovered the horror when she received it. Painting didn’t help. It only made the demon feet worse. Now she just needs the feet to beat a hasty retreat from her life. For $11,019.28. The price is totally justified. Kinda like lawsuit money for having to look at those nasty tootsies.

What the hell Uma? Why are your feet like man feet with elongated fingers? *shudders* Do NOT want to play footsie with her. Her toes will put my toes in a toe-lock and break bones.

This Veins and Arteries Necklace Set Is A Real Pain In The Neck

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veins and arteries necklace
Whoa! This Veins and Arteries Necklace Set makes it look like you have some serious blood problems, because everyone can see your veins.

You’re so vein. You probably think this post is about you. Don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t you?

This 2 necklace set puts your insides on your outside. Not for me though. Veiny days and Mondays always get me down. And that’s all of the music jokes I’m writing today, because you young whippersnappers won’t even get it. Seriously. Listen to some music from before you were born once in a while. I practice what I preach. Which is why I have an old-timey wax cylinder record player with a giant cone for a speaker. Got a date with a flapper tonight too. Hoping to get all dirty and nasty up in this hizzouse and see some ankle.

Dinosaur Print Clothes: Jurassic Parka

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dinosaur clothes
I was looking for a kick-ass T-Rex pair of shorts one day when I spotted Etsy seller Hunterandfoxclothing’s dinosaur print clothes. Apparently they come in 3 sizes. Jurassic Small, Jurassic Park and Jurassic Stadium for those who are the size of a mastodon and really need to lay off the Coca Cola. Nothing is cooler than friggin’ dinosaurs in the jungle all over your body.

Choose from dresses, tunics, shorts, shirts and more. The only extinction level event you need to be concerned about is me buying them all up so I can wear them everywhere and roar like crazy. I’ll need to cut a hole for my tail though.
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Cat Suction Cup

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cat suction cup
Cats don’t care. They do whatever the hell they like. When they like. How they like. They are basically nature’s pain in the ass. You can’t even wash a cat without your cat freaking out and jumping out of the bath tub. Until now. The Cat Suction Cup aka “The Cat Stay and Wash” keeps your cat in one place so you can bathe Fluffy. It’s basically a cat restraint system.

This thing is going to come in so handy. First I’m going to take my kitty, Mistress Meowstress for a walk, then affix the suction cup to the outside of a convenience store while I go in and get some chips. Ah, you’re still here. Good kitty. Then we will get in the car and I will attach her to the inside windshield in an attempt to teach her how to be a GPS system and a dashboard ornament. You said right! Why would you say that? We’re lost! I asked, “Should I go right?” and you said, “Meow.” So I turned meow. WTH?