Birds are bombing us every day and every night, in a gooey campaign of shock and awe, hoping that they’ll wear us down. That’s why hoodies were invented in the first place. True story. The point is, birds poop all over us and our stuff, so why not prank someone with these fun Bird Poop Stickers. They look just like real bird turds.
Put them all over that expensive car across the street for instance. What a sh***y thing to do!
The first thing that hits me about these Plush Butt Tissue Box Covers is that these butts are always being wiped. I mean, they have to be the cleanest butts ever, plush or otherwise. If I could poop toilet paper, my butt might actually get clean. For once.
Plush Butts. It’s fun to say. Plush Butts. I have to sing it with the Duck Tales theme, cuz everything goes with the Duck Tales song.
Plush Butts. Wooo hooo. Do do do da do do do do do Plush Butts. Wooo hooo.
Plush Butts are better than slush butts. Take it from someone who has had a serious case of both in the past.
Who says that the art of reading is dead? No really. Who said that? I can’t remember. Well, reading isn’t dead, but that doesn’t mean you can’t treat your books like a corpse and store them in a coffin. This Coffin Display Case / Book Shelf is the perfect place for all of your scary book and terrifying tomes.
It’s a tomb for your tomes. I made a funny! Also made a funny earlier after eating 3 cheeseburgers and 2 orders of fries. Though it wasn’t funny for the pimply-face Burger king employee named Earl who entered with a respirator and a mop bucket soon after I left. The women in my life all be like, “Did you have a salad?” Yes, I did. A “side salad”, which I left on the side as per the name. Any other questions?
Before I saw this, I thought break up beans was just a fancy name for my windy butt stuff, because it has always been a relationship ender for me. Pffffffft-squuuueeeeek! Followed by her saying, ” I think we should see other people. Like starting now. I mean, I should see other people. You should see a doctor.”
Nope. Turns out Break Up Beans are $5 Lima bean plants that have had the seeds engraved with ‘It’s Over’ and ‘Let’s Be Friends’. The phrases appear on the plant’s first set of leaves. They also come with phrases that are all about love too. $5 for beans? I’ll let my butt do the talkin’ for free.
Undies For Two are double the trouble, but also double the fun. Who’s climbing in with me? All aboard the double undies train! I think you got into my side. Why? Because I know I have a skid mark on my side and this feels too soft against my cheeks. You feel anything coarse and slimy back there?
Hey, go that way. No, left. My left, not your left. Ow! You keep stepping on my foot. No, my junk is not happy about this. It’s a nervous reaction.