Tag: novelty

Blinking Salt and Pepper Shakers

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blinking salt and pepper shakers
Can you pass the salt? Why is it blinking at me? Make it stop. The pepper is winking at me now. Stop flirting! I just-*blushes and giggles* Oh my, you are a peppery one. *Winks back. Opens a Japanese fan and fans self* And so are you, you old salty. I do declare, suddenly I have the vapors!

These Blinking Salt and Pepper Shakers are made for seasoning your food, but they will season your heart. Don’t let the wife see you three carrying on like that.
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Make Your Own Man Interchangeable Cubes

Artemis Winterford6 Comments

make your own man cubes
You ladies can’t all score studs like me. It’s not that there’s not enough of me to go around. There’s plenty in my man-boob area alone thanks to my sedentary blogging lifestyle and my apparent life goal of fitting into a man-bra H cup. It’s just that you’ll need some firemen to break the wall down and a crane operator to lift me out of my home and into that IHOP where I’m taking you on that date and by the time I call the firemen, I’m already way out of breath. You see what I do for you in order to bring you the latest in weird stuff you can buy? *Getting teary eyed* I do it because I love you.

Anyway you can’t have me, so make your own man with these Make Your Own Man Interchangeable Cubes. There’s a surfer dude, a rock star, a money maker or a family man. No blogger? Pffft! Bloggers are the manliest! *Shrieks and jumps out of my chair* A spider!

*Lawyer casually walks over and picks up spider* So you see your honor… Ladies and gentlemen of the jury… He was never fat at all. It was all a lie, perpetuating a blogger stereotype. He doesn’t even have a neck beard!

Stupid lawyer tricks. I almost got away with it.
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Assortment Of Collars, Bow Ties And Neckties For Your Dog Or Cat

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neck tie collars for pets
Let’s say your dog has an important business meeting. You can’t just send him to the office in his flea collar and expect him to land that important account. You have to dress him for success and give him a neck tie. That’s where this set of Dog/Cat Neck ties come in handy.

Your dog will look confident, so he will be confident. Would you rather have your dog Known as Don Draper or Don Drooper? Worse yet, Don Dripper. The boss will be so impressed he might even throw him a bone or let him hump the leg of the office couch. It’s a dog eat dog world.
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Creature Teeth License Plate Frame

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creature teeth license plate frameScare the hell out of anyone who dares to tailgate you on the open road with this Creature Teeth License Plate Frame. I suggest you use it with plates like 1EATUN0W. Or just, you know, drive around without a license plate. You can say that this frame ate it. I’m pretty sure license plates are strictly optional like seat belts and windshields. I wouldn’t know since I tool around on my banana seat bicycle all day. I really should clean the bananas off the seat. It attracts flies.

Go ahead and laugh, but I don’t get stuck in traffic jams, I don’t buy gas and my bicycle bell sounds friggin’ awesome! *Ding Ding, Ding Ding* “Go back in your homes kids, it only sounds like the ice cream man”.

“More like the Kool-Aid man! Fatty!” *Kid ducks back inside*

“Why you little-!”

*Ditches bike in the grass and runs through the kid’s brick wall* Oh yeah!

Passover Plague Masks: One Holiday, Ten Plagues

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plague masks
Not to get all History channel here, but this requires some explanation. Basically the Pharaoh refused to let Moses’ people go so God sent a series of plagues upon the Egyptians. Not sure what his excuse was for those STDs he smited me with last year, but whatevs. These Passover Plague Masks represent the ten plagues. Sounds like a ton of fun.

Passover Plague Masks. Your child can choose from boils,wild animals,locusts,lice, firstborn, cattle plague, frogs,darkness, blood and hail. I call Locusts. I already have the boils on my butt and I’m pretty sure I have lice thanks to that thrift store hat I scored for a buck. More like 20 bucks since I had to buy that special shampoo. You live, you learn, you itch.