Everyone should have a pair of giant lobster claws. They make everyday things into awesome things. Think of the fun that you could have doing things like: Hitchhiking, gesturing with your claws as you give directions, trying to saw through rope with your pincers, opening beer bottles and more.
You are gonna be a crazy crustacean. A prized pincer. Also, your handshake will now be powerful and dangerous for other humans. Life just got a little more awesome. Your new name is Zoidberg!
This Fou Lard Bacon scarf looks delicious. It should keep you warm in the winter months and not make your neck all greasy like the real thing. Fun fact: The French word for a silk scarf is foulard. So…Fou Lard. That’s word play. Which is foreplay for scrabble players. I think.
Basically the guys who make this say that the word is composed by fou (insane) and lard (bacon). If bacon is insane then call my frying pan an asylum and lets give ’em all some really hot therapy. The doctor is in and it’s a good day when all of the patients end up in my tummy.
Do I even know what I’m saying? Not really? I’m mesmerized by the idea of bacon on one’s neck.
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This is the latest in decapitated teddy bear decor for your kids room. It connects via USB with plug adapters and gives off a soft warm glow that is sure to give your little one nightmares.
Every night your little bundle of nerves will wake up screaming and you will rush in the room to find a new decapitated stuffed animal from his collection. You’ll ask him about it and he will tell you from trembling lips that they are the nightly sacrifice that his master demands. And that he is down to only one stuffed animal left on the shelf…
I should know. That boy was me. Still have that lamp. It’s why I buy stuffed animals in bulk. It’s also why my backyard is full of stuffed torsos with no heads.
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These Faux Fur Wine Bottle Covers are furry and soft and they’ll make you want to cuddle your wine close and cozy up with it on cold nights. Which I do anyway. Sure I could join AA, but last time I went they just talked about cars and road safety. That’s AAA you idiot! Shut up. You’re just a sponsor locked in a closet. You ready to have that drink with me, or are you going to sleep without dinner again tonight?
You get a set of 3: Snow Leopard, Possum, and Lynx.
Every time I have a sandwich it ends up all over my keyboard anyway. I might as well just get this Deli Keyboard, so it all blends in and looks clean. I hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Sorry, keep meaning to vacuum the lettuce out from under the h key. I made a rap song about it.
My CAPS LOCKS are due to cold cuts,
The mess around the keyboard drives me nuts.
My Ctrl keys are hard salami,
Type real fast get a Mayonnaise tsunami.
You wanna type a letter,
Better chip away dat cheddar,
Keyboard clogged like “Damn Son”,
What you expect, I like ham son!
Shoulda bought a Dell, but instead I got a deli.
Ladies like damn son, hide that belly.
Word